Three Hundred Eighty-Three Dollars Later...

I got my car back last night. It's good to have her back, but I'm just worried something else is going to go wrong.

This is Dead Week. And that's exactly how I feel. I have all my papers done and ready to turn in next week. As a result I've been completely lazy. Television, computer, naps...that's all I've done this week! Of course, I'm still going to my classes, but we don't do anything.

Tomorrow night the Advanced Poetry class I'm in is meeting at a bar here in Kearney to read some of our original poetry. I haven't decided what I'm going to read yet, but I'm just excited that tomorrow is our last day of poetry! Yay! Now I'll never be expected to write another poem!

I hope school and life is going well for everybody and good luck with Finals!

A Mind of Their Own.

Cars. What do they think? That I'm made of money and can fix every problem they throw at me? No, I can't! So stop breaking!!

Let It Snow!

I woke up this morning to find a beautiful snow falling to the ground. It was one of those snows that you want to capture on film, but it's almost impossible. There was about an inch on the ground and it's still falling. I'm glad it's not a dangerous or icy snow.

Christmas is coming and I'm getting more and more excited. I'm giving Sarena her Christmas present today when I go pick her up for her appointment. I hope she likes it.

To all: A happy snow day!

Christmas Music!

I love it!

I'm having a weird day. It was going alright but then we had to watch Boys Don't Cry for my film class and well...we'll just say that that movie doesn't really make anyone happy.

The semester is winding down at a pretty steady pace. Only eight more days of classes. Fifteen days total until I should be done with finals. I'm pretty excited!

And then...it's Christmas!!

A Word.

Work was slow tonight but it's the kind of work day I needed. Just a slow day to talk to the other cashiers and just walk around and stuff. It was nice.

Looking forward to going to Wilcox tomorrow. And I'm looking forward to watching Heroes!

I've really been missing Shane lately. The weather is getting colder and all I want to do is come home from work and curl up with Shane and watch a movie and then go to sleep. That is all I want and I have to wait a few more weeks!

To all: a good night and a wonderful Monday!

What's That? Hot Pockets?

Jim Gaffigan is funny.

I decided that Shane should be an actor or a comedian. Well, actually...when I first met him I thought he should be one of the two 'cause he was very entertaining in class. But maybe that was just me because I thought he was cute.

Anyway, last night he and I were on the phone and he was doing some Jim Gaffigan jokes and some Demetri Martin jokes, then he did some of his own and made up some weird story to tell me. It was supposed to rhyme...and yeah...it was pretty hilarious. I really emotionally connected to the joke...

Apparently it snowed last night. The only reason I think this is because there is snow on the ground and covering the vehicles in the parking lot. Otherwise I would not have known it had snowed. Strange.

I have to go "dig" my car out later today - sometime after lunch. I have to go to work this afternoon and well, I don't feel like walking there; although, it would probably be easier.

Speaking of lunch...I have no idea what I'm going to eat. I don't want to go to Chartwells again, that stinks. Looks like I'm microwaving soup! My favorite!

Funny Stuff.

Well, it happened again.

I must be the problem.

The End.

Sure A Disappointment.

So we were supposed to get a pretty bad freezing rain storm last night and it was supposed to continue on all day today. We barely have any ice outside! I don't get it! I mean, sure, if you're driving like a crazy person anyway there's a chance you might hit thicker ice and crash. But there's not enough to hurt yourself on if you're driving safely...like you should be anyway.

It's not like I really wanted a huge storm or anything, but...uhg, last night was sooo busy at work because people thought we were going to get an ice storm like we did in Dec/January this year so they were stocking up for the storm. So far as I can tell, they made my night busy for no reason.

I mean sure it could get worse this afternoon or evening...but the radar shows most of the storm is past us and we might not get hit again! I don't know...

Well I have dedicated myself to doing my papers today and I can't lie...so I'm off to do homework on a Saturday morning at 9:10...that's depressing.

To all: A wonderful Saturday! Hopefully the weatherman didn't lie to you!

Nasty Weather & Hockey!

I was planning on going to Wilcox tomorrow to take some stuff there and to just hang out. But we're supposed to get freezing rain all day tomorrow so it looks like I'll be stuck in Kearney. That's okay - I'm going to force myself to start and finish at least two of my final papers! I know I can do it!

My Canucks played last night - against the Blue Jackets. I checked the score this morning. They won - two to zero. That was exciting. Then I checked the NHL standings. The Canucks are ranked 2nd in the western conference! And 5th in the League! We're doing great this year and I'm hoping we actually have a chance at the Cup this year!

To All: A wonderful Hockey season!

Two Weeks Notice.

It's a movie and the title of this blog. Teehee...

Yesterday at work I put in my two weeks notice and I almost cried. I don't want to quit working there. I love working there! I promised Joyce I would come back and visit though.

Soon after I finish this blog I have to start working on my final film paper. I'm doing it on Christian Bale - it'll be easy to stick to the project hehe. Yeah, he's a pretty good looking guy. I'm going to be watching The Machinist this morning. I'm going to be writing about his performance in that movie compared to his performances in The Prestige, Rescue Dawn, Batman, American Psycho, and possibly Reign of Fire.

I should probably get to that. Have a great Thursday!

Oh Boy.

I don't know how I feel today...yet. I have so much stuff on my mind, which right now is a good thing. I'm trying to get everything figured out for this end of this semester. All my final papers and exams and packing moving. I know what I'm doing for my final paper for film class and I'm very excited about it but it's going to take a lot of time and work and I'm a little nervous that I'm not going to make myself do it.

I work tonight and Friday night. And I'm going to Wilcox on Saturday to take stuff there because I don't need it here anymore.

Next Thursday I'm taking Sarena to one of her baby-appointments. Dan has to work that morning so she asked if I could go with her to hold her hand. I was thrilled to be asked and gratefully accepted. I'm glad I get to be there for her.

It seems like after Thanksgiving break everything rushes at you until you fall over. There's only three weeks from tomorrow until the last day of finals week. I can't believe it's going so fast! I don't know if I'll be able to keep up!

I hope you all have a wonderful Wednesday and a great rest of the week!

Baby Blankets.

The blanket I'm crocheting for Dan and Sarena's baby is coming along very nicely. It's soft and cute and everything you look for in a baby blanket.

They think the due date is July 1st. So we still have awhile, but it'll come fast.

I had a weird dream last night. Something about dorm rooms, chumming with professors, and a ghost or something. I have no idea.

Tomorrow I'm putting in my notice for my last day at work. I'm going to be sad to say I have to quit. But I'm going to be more sad on my actual last day. I really do like working there, it's such a great environment and the people are nice. I'll definitely be coming down just to visit work every now and again.

After this week of classes there is only one more "real" week of classes, then Dead week, the finals week starts on the 17th. I can't believe it's almost here! November has gone so fast.

Back.

I'm going back to Kearney today. Back to the good ol' dorm room. Yeah, something like that.

Shane came down last night. It was good to see him again. After this weekend I won't be seeing him untik the weekend before Christmas when we have our little Christmas together. When I get there we're going to go buy decorations for the little tree and then open presents. I think we're going to have a nice sipper together too. I'm looking forward to it.

I had such a good week and weekend being home with my family over Thanksgiving break. This really is close to the last time I will be staying here in Wilcox. I'll be moving in a little over a month. It's a little weird to think about. But a good the-show-must-go-on feeling. If you can understand that. Ha.

To all: a good week and happy Christmas-present shopping!

So Proud.

I'm a little late getting this posted. It is an article from the Kearney Hub by Carol Meyers. I am very proud to say that my mom is the greatest.

Please read My Mom: The Star.

Yup, that's my mama!

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving! How was the turkey?

Tomorrow Is Thanksgiving!

I'm watching That 70s Show. Just hanging out until Shane calls me when he gets off of work.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I'm very excited! I get to help with the food. That's pretty fun!

I started the baby blanket for Dan and Sarena's baby today. It's going to be so cute when it's finished! Of course, I have until this summer to get it done. Best to start early, though, right?

Well, I'm going to sit and watching some television.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

'Twas The Monday Before...

...and it was hectic!

I should not be sitting here posting a blog this morning. I should be packing and getting everything ready to make a mad dash to my car after work and hightail it down to Wilcox. But here I sit, lazy as usual.

Because we don't have our film class tomorrow (my only class on Tuesdays) I decided that I'm going to go home tonight. Also, tonight is Taylor's play that I've mentioned before. I agreed to work this afternoon until 6pm and I have to be in the high school in Wilcox by 7pm. I know I can make it there, but I don't like being rushed. Who really does?

I am so thankful this week is Thanksgiving! I'm ready to see everybody at the same time and be able to actually have time to sit down and talk to them!

Shane made me cookies this weekend. Peanut butter. Mmm...they're my breakfast today with my coffee! Nothing better than a couple cookies with your morning coffee. That is, if you like cookies and coffee. If you don't...well, you're just odd, aren't you? I'm kidding! Don't hate me. :)

I better go though, I really need to pack. I'll try to keep up with my blog over Thanksgiving break, but I'm not promising anything! Besides, you should be with your families and friends and not sitting and staring at a computer screen!

To all: A splendid Thanksgiving! Yum Turkey!

Well,That Was Fast.

Yesterday I started crocheting a scarf for a friend for Christmas. Apparently, I have very speedy hands because I finished it yesterday. And it's really pretty and I didn't mess up at all!

I've been very tired lately. And last night the hall was noisy again, worst night ever. I couldn't fall asleep until 2 again but the noise continued. Terrible.

I'm going to Wilcox after work and Shane is coming down here when he gets off of work as well. He's leaving Monday morning. That's pretty cool. :) Okay, so it's a lot awesome!

I better get ready for work or whatever. Have a great Saturday!

Sleepy Weekends.

Well, folks, it's finally Friday. I'm sleepy. Again I had trouble sleeping last night. The hall was really loud until midnight - ridiculous.

I have to wake up early tomorrow to go to work. And after work I'm talking my fish to Wilcox for Thanksgiving. Shane is coming down this weekend! I'm awfully excited about that. :)

I hope I get Sunday off this weekend. Then I can spend all day with Shane!

Better get going. I have more coffee to drink before class.

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

Bowling Butts.

Mandy and I went bowling last night. We only took a few pictures because my camera was being a pain...this is what we got:


Adorable right?

By the way, I granny rolled four full games. Hehe...that's how I roll. Oh yeah.

Have a wonderful Thursday! (Oh my gosh! It's Thursday already!?)

Another Long Night.

I couldn't fall asleep until after two a.m. last night. It was terrible! I only let myself sleep in for half an hour - that didn't really do much for me. It's a long day today, as well. I have to work. But you would have already known that having read my previous blog.

Going bowling tonight. Looking forward to it. But we're not leaving until after my bedtime. I'm going to be so tired tomorrow! I'll need mucho amounts of coffee. :)

Speaking of coffee. I got an early Christmas present yesterday. Shane sent me fresh ground coffee from The Espresso Shop in North Platte. It's Irish Creme flavored and it's delicious!

Have a wonderful Wednesday!

Thanksgiving Is Coming.

Next Thursday is Thanksgiving and I'm getting very excited! However, this week is going as slow as it possibly can just to make me angry.

I'm watching House. It's a good show. This is the first episode I've been able to watch this season. I'm a little behind - I don't know most of the characters anymore!

Soooo, I need to write a couple new poems. I need ideas. If anyone has any ideas for me to write a poem or two about please let me know 'cause I'm pretty desperate. Really, I am.

I guess I don't have much more to say tonight. Maybe tomorrow will be more interesting. I have to work 3-9, it should go pretty fast. Wednesdays usually are okay. Friday will go fast and so will Saturday. I wonder if I'll get Sunday off. I'm going back to Wilcox on Monday. And I get to bake my famous pumpkin cake with home-made cream cheese frosting. Sound good? Want some? Then you'll have to give me a good idea for a poem. There's a price for everything.

I hope everyone has a good night! Sleep better than I did last night!

Back Again.

We all went to Harrison this weekend. It was a lot of fun! I got to play with horses! I should have been a farm-girl.

We got back around 8ish last night. I was pooped, but it was worth it with all the fun we had this weekend.

Next week is Thanksgiving. And I'm thankful for that. I need to get away from Kearney. And I'm looking forward to spending mucho time with my family. If I don't have to work this Sunday I think I'm going to go home on Saturday after I get off of work. 'Cause then I'll be able to be home all day Sunday, most of Monday (I'll have to come back up to Kearney for class), I'll get to see Taylor's play Monday night, I'll only have to drive back up to Kearney Wednesday and Friday to work, and then again on Sunday to come back to school and I'll probably have to work then anyway.

I think this will work out.

Last night I had a good but strange dream. I can't get it out of my head. I'll probably be thinking about it all day.

I wish you all a great Monday, a fast week, and a wonderful Thanksgiving (early.)

Small-Town Terrorists: A Prose Poem

Small-Town Terrorists

It was summer in the town I was once from. Laughing friends on their stomachs enjoyed a black television screen with their legs bent, waving in the air to the rhythm of what they hoped their babies would one day be named. I never got around to plugging in that TV. A sun ray still hanging in the sky on some invisible fishing line creates half-hearted shadows on the floor and makes the warm west wind set the maple branches to making love with the oak on the walls surrounding the one room in the house I never felt safe to be. A rumble. From three blocks away it sounds like it’s three inches close enough to kill the ticks on the stray dog that limps down the street. Hamsters in hand; black in right, brown in left; stepping quickly to the half-open front door to close it against the sound of Death scrapping a broken bottle on a tin roof – ready to jump. Our house on the part tar, part gravel road in the West part of town was the only two-bath box spared to the liquid homicide. The covered-in-sweat driver brings a bent cigarette to his sullen lips as his conscience dances in the passenger seat. Dust clouds behind the roaring rusty metal. The black hamster bites my finger. I rejoin my friends in front of the black television. I never got around to plugging it in.

Note: I took my dream and changed it around and ended up changing completely what it was about, but I still was able to use a lot of the same lines that I liked. Tell me what you think, please.

Note 2: I hate poetry. :)

A Dream.

It was just a dream I had last night.

It was summer-time in my hometown and I was wrangling my hamsters back into their cages. A couple old high school buddies were over enjoying a black television screen lying on the floor with their bent legs up in the air. What was so funny about a television that wasn't plugged in? There was a danger in my blood. I felt something bad approaching as the wind blew in through the half open front door. The sun, however still high enough to light the town, was sinking and creating half-hearted shadows on my face as I peered out the window next to the half-opened front door. Barreling down the part tar, part gravel road next to our innocent, terrified home was a tank of only imaginary sorts. It was like a semi that had been flattened in the back and the cab was sea-foam green. An awful sound of Death grinding a dull knife on a broken sidewalk filled the ears of the neighborhood. Not neighborhood anymore. Our house was the only two-bath box spared. My hamsters in my grasp; the black one in the left and the brown one in the right, I raced to the back door to watch the semi-gone-sour make a crescent moon around the front and loop into the recently-uprooted field to the East. I watched the covered-in-sweat driver lift a bent cigarette to his sullen lips as his conscience danced around him in the passenger seat. He kept driving. My parents, not home yet with my new baby sister, had left a note. Watch for trouble and a solitary M to sign the simple message. At least that's what I think it said. My sister had been born sixteen years ago. It has taken a long time to bring her home. The black hamster in my left bit my finger. I stood watching the dust clouding behind the trailer that carried no weapons, no bombs, no danger. I placed the hamsters back in their cages and rejoined my friends in front of the black television.




I was just going to retell my dream to you, but it starting making its way into a sort of prose poem. I think I'm going to rewrite it later to make it more of a prose poem and take it to poetry class with me.

And More Heroes.

I've been catching myself up with the season two episodes. I'm on episode six right now and I will watch seven as well before I go to bed tonight. Then I will be completely caught up and will be able to actually watch next week's episode on television! I'm really excited!

This week is dragging.

I wish it was December 20th. This semester will officially be over and I will be preparing to move. Now, that's exciting.

Coffee and Bananas.

I woke up this morning to work on a paper. I am on my third cup of coffee and my hunger pains have been calmed by a bruising banana. Its brothers and sisters are sitting next to my coffee maker. It's a small world...after all.

Happy Monday Friends.

Something Wonderful.

I had a very bad day yesterday. I was alone and sad and being ignored by people who should never want to ignore me. But I got a call last night to make my night, and several other days surrounding this phone call, wonderful and happy and needed.

My friend Sarena called and said she had gone to the doctor yesterday. They called her and told her she was ten days pregnant! I'm so happy for her! And I'm excited because I get to be Auntie Kaylee. Her and her husband, Dan, are very very excited. She said that when she told him yesterday he was down on his knees crying in happiness.

This is definitely the kind of news I needed to hear last night. To forget everything else. Even if I am not the one having the baby I still feel the need to be with her while she is going through all of the doctor's appointments and worry and happiness and everything else that goes along with having a baby. I feel needed and that is a wonderful feeling...especially when it ends with having a baby to hold. This is so exciting and it hasn't even completely hit me yet!

I don't care about not being invited places anymore; I don't care about being ignored by those people that should never ignore me; and I certainly don't care if they plan things behind my back. That is all gone now. The only think I can think about now is helping Sarena and being the best friend for her that I have always wanted for myself.

Please pray for Sarena and Dan and their baby. I'll definitely be keeping you posted on how things go. How could I not? A baby?!

Have a great day.

Heroes.

When the show, Heroes, was first advertised on NBC I wasn't at all turned on to it. I mean, it seemed like it had a good story, but lately most shows have been starting off good and then going into some weird other place that makes no sense. Writers seem to be losing their touch. That's why I was so skeptical about this show. I didn't watch the first season. I watched one episode with Shane last semester and didn't really pay attention. Last weekend when Shane was down he got me to watch the very first episode - his brother has the Season One DVD collection. I was hooked. This morning I just finished the first season of episodes. And I'm even more hooked that I was before. It is a great show. And that's all I have to say about that.

Yesterday was Halloween. I had to work, but I still dressed up. I was the only one to dress up! No one seems to have fun with Halloween anymore. It's kind of sad, really.

Anyway, I should find something else to do. Have a good day everybody!

The Weekend Is Nearing.

Tomorrow is Friday. Actually today is really early Friday. This week has been okay; although I miss Shane like crazy.

I have my midterm exam in Grammar tomorrow. I have a response paper to hand in tomorrow for Lit, as well. Tomorrow is officially the last day of and midterms I have to take this semester. It's exciting. However, the end of midterms only means one thing - the coming of the dreaded Finals. *terrible screams echo off of stony alley walls...and more scary things...*

If any of you have access to my MySpace or my Facebook profile please take a look at my new photos from Fall Break. Both albums are labeled Fall Break '07. I think there's some pretty great pictures.

Anyway, I hope everyone has a great weekend and great upcoming last week of October.

Afterward...

I just got back from North Platte. Last night on my way home my "Low Engine Coolant" light came on so I turned around and went back to North Platte to get some of that stuff. :) Actually Shane got it and put it in my car. He's so sweet. By the time that got done, though, I was tired and just stayed there another night. Woke up early this morning and hit the interstate again. My car was fine.

I think Shane is going to try to come down here this weekend - maybe Saturday until Sunday night. I hope.

Just Try and Make Me.

I don't want to go back to Kearney tonight. I know I have been here for four days, but it only feels like four hours - at most.

I woke up this morning dreading the coming evening. It's sad. Shane is in class right now - I hope he'll come home for lunch again. Not like we have anything but leftovers. And I really hope they get out of class early like they did yesterday.

Well, I guess there's nothing for me to do except take a shower and walk downtown for some coffee.

So maybe I am an addict.

Weekend Over.

The weekend may be over, but it is still Fall Break.

I'll be in North Platte until tomorrow evening probably.

This is how the weekend played out: I got here Friday night and picked up the house until two in the morning and then I went to bed. Saturday I woke up and waited for Shane to get back from work. He was home earlier that he said he might be. We went to Movie Gallery and rented three movies to watch. They were all good movies. I made us mini-pizzas for lunch - they were really good but filling. We got ice cream for dessert but we didn't eat it. We took a nap at 5ish, until around 8. We got up went back to Walmart and stopped at Wendy's for supper. We came back to the house and ate our Wendy's and watched the last of the three movies we rented.

We went to bed around midnight that night. Yesterday, so far, was one of the greatest "normal" days I've spent with Shane. We had plans to go to church in the morning with his friend Marcello, but he never let us know what time church started, never called at all, so we just slept in until noon. Almost a full twelve hours of sleep - that doesn't happen too often. We got up and went to Walmart again so Shane could get the stuff he needed to make me dinner. Meatloaf! It turned out delicious!!! He also made au gratin taters and corn for the sides. While at Walmart this time I bought us some Oreos - I thought we could crunch them up and put them on our ice cream for dessert. Guess what. We still didn't have ice cream last night! Okay I skipped ahead and missed one of the best parts! That coffee house I mentioned in my previous post...well, he took me there and bought me a latte. It was so sweet! He even tried it!!! Anyway...the reason we didn't get ice cream last night...while he was making dinner he asked me to tell him some parts of the book I'm writing and I asked him if he had any thoughts or suggestions. After we got done eating he wanted to go for a walk, so we drove out to Cody Park and walked around. He started rattling off all these ideas I should have in my book. I loved all of them! He is so good at making up stories - I had no idea. Anyway, we came back to the house so I could grab my notebook to take notes. We just drove around for awhile as he kept coming up with more ideas.

We get back last night and hung out for a bit. He had some homework to finish before his class this morning so he did that while I watched The Lost Boys - I needed to watch it because I'm making reference to it in my book. Cheesy, I know.

All yesterday I was doing laundry, it was nice. Today we're getting new screen doors put in so I had to wake up. I'm going to do the dishes that Shane said he would do last night. And I probably should pick up the house again. You would think the house is too tiny to get too messy. Ha!...it's bad.

I don't know when Shane is going to be done with his class. Hopefully not too late. I'm thinking about making him dinner tonight but I don't think we have anymore room in the fridge for leftovers! It's a pretty small fridge.

Well I'm off to do the dishes!

Where's The Coffee?

I want to preface this entry by saying I am NOT a coffee-addict as some people might think. (Shane...who else?)

Anyway, this weekend I will be going to North Platte to spend some much-needed quality time with Shane. Shane does not drink coffee. The house does not yet have a coffee maker in it. I do not want to take the time to pack my coffee maker up to take with me for just a couple of days. So, where will I get my coffee in the morning? This is very unnerving for me. I might just lose it.

I did notice that there is a little coffee shop a few blocks away from the house. I wonder if they deliver.

Let's hope they do. If not...well, I don't want to know what will happen.

A Secret.

I have a dirty little secret. Actually it's not dirty - it' s black. And it is actually very little. You don't get to know. I just thought it would be fun to make you curious. Did it work? Sorry.

I have hit another brick wall as it comes to my story. My "train" of thought is too crushed to back up and go a different direction.

Ya know, know that I think about that phrase "I've lost my train of thought" I feel like I should analyze it and make sure it makes sense. I've been doing this lately with things that involve trains - poor Shane, he has to put up with this.

Okay...obviously trains are big, massive even, and very hard to lose. So that definition is already out the window (that is, if a lost train could fit through a window.) A train could make a big boo-boo and fall off the tracks (that of course wouldn't be the train's fault, but rather the people inside) - I guess this could relate to thought. You're thinking, thinking, thinking, NOT thinking. Sometimes the thought process just stops. Buuut, a train doesn't just "stop" they slow down and slow down some more and slow down some more...and finally the quit moving - so I guess that's out, too. Usually when you "lose your train of thought" it's because you are interrupted and forgot what it was you were talking about, correct? Trains go forward and that is it. They can be turned around, yes, but with much work about it. If a train has to be switched to a different track it continues going forward but it slightly veers to either the right or the left, that is all. I don't think the statement "I've lost my train of thought" is appropriate. It should be "My train of thought has veered slightly to the left and I have changed my mind about my previous argument." Now, doesn't that sound better?

I'm going to finish my coffee and ponder over more figures of speech. Good bye.

My Fish.

Yoda is doing just fine. He is annoying and spastic but I love him and he's entertaining.

Bubs is not doing well. A a couple weeks ago I noticed that his beautiful dark red scales were turning a dirty brown color and that the little bit of green on his tail fin was fading into a disgusting yellow. I also noticed that his eyes were bubbly. That's the only way I know to describe his eyes. They weren't normal. His gills are turning pale as if he isn't getting enough circulation to them. He's not at moody or as playful as he usually is. He just hangs out right under the surface of his water. When I put in food in the morning he swims around like he's going to get it but he never does. I'm starting to think he's having trouble seeing it. Just now he's started swimming around but it's not a graceful betta-fish swim; it's choppy and looks forced. All of his food ends up on the bottom of his bowl uneaten. He's either sick and going to die from whatever he has, or he's going to starve to death. Because he's a fish there's really nothing I can do until he dies.

I wish he'd get better. It might sound silly, but please pray for my fishie to get better. He's a pretty cool fish and I know you'd love him if you saw him. Thanks.

I Am Writing Again!

I pulled out my story again today. I figured it was about time to start working on that again if I ever want to get it published someday. I have written about five new pages tonight (once they're typed.)

I'm excited about how it's turning out. I wish that Shelly and I could get together to make our halves of the book unite, but unfortunately we just don't really have the time. I think it might happen that we go our separate ways on this book and make it two books. And then later, in the future, we'll get together and write a different book together! A very awesome book...with pages and everything!

I wish my story was done so I could let people read it, but it's not. At least I can enjoy it right?

Anyway, wish me luck - I'll need it to finish this dang thing. Love you all!

A Rainy Monday Morning.

It is hard to wake up when the sky is still dark and there is a mist in the air. The cold draft sneaking through your window eases you back under the covers and your eyes snap back together and lock. Somehow the key gets lost and magically your alarm clock gets turned off.

Then your coffee maker kicks on and the fresh aroma of Irish Creme tickles your nose and you're drug out of your cozy blanket haven. Shivering, you pour a cup of the delicious warmness from the pot and savor the slow spreading warmth through your body as you take tiny sips so as not to burn your mouth.

This was my morning. I'm still cold and my blankets are calling to me.

Right now I'm watching A Baby Story on Discovery Health. I love these kind of shows. They're bad for me to watch, though. After I watch them I really just want to go up to North Platte, get married, and start having babies. Who can blame me though? I meant to be a mommy!

I hope everyone's Monday is warm, cuddly, and fun!

Coffee and Cookies.

I always used to think my Grandpa was silly to dunk his cookies in his coffee. But I've found that it is actually quite wonderful! It's just like milk only hot and the coffee taste only adds greatness to the cookie taste!

It's Friday and I've come to terms with the fact that I may never have a real weekend again.

What?

I have absolutely no motivation to do anything! I don't want to go to class, do my homework, or go to work even though I really need the money. I've been making myself get up at around 8:30 every morning and by the time noon comes around I'm completely dead tired again and just want to go to bed. I don't know. Maybe it's just the change of the seasons.

How is everyone else doing?

Our New House.

I'm in North Platte again this weekend. But there's something special about this weekend.

We moved Shane into our house. I, of course, won't be moving in for awhile...but it's great to have a house!!!

It's small, but we don't need much room. I think it's very cute and we can make it look cuter! I'm very excited!!! I'll post pictures of our place later - maybe I should take some pictures first. What d'ya think? :)

Almost One-Hundred.

This is my 99th post.

I am still having problems trying to accomplish what I want with my life - rather, our life. Shane and I are starting to plan our future together and there are some people trying to stand in our way. No, not trying, they are in the way.

I just wish I had the freedom to tell them what I really want and feel without them giving me the guilt trip and making me hate myself. I don't think it's supposed to work that way.

Please, pray for me. I really need it.

To all: a wonderful week!

I Need My Glasses To See.

Shane came down this weekend. It was great to have him around for 2 days! Friday night we rented Zodiac (the new one) - it was really good. Saturday we watched a little of the parade that ended here at the college. Saw my mom and sister. I had to work until 8 that night but afterward I went to Shane's parents' house to hang out with him and his brothers. We ended up coming back to Kearney to buy a movie that they thought I really needed to see. Bio-Dome...hilarious! Then we went to bed. Today we woke up and hung out for awhile. Then his parents made a wonderful lunch of lasagna! I had to work at 4 - until 10. Shane came in to see me before he headed back to North Platte. He's back now and sleeping. I should be sleeping but I cannot fall asleep!

I'm so tired from having a boring day at work, buuuut - my body is restless despite my tired eyes.

Well, I'm going to TRY to sleep. Bleh.

To all: A Happy Monday Morning!

I Hope.

I hope this weekend goes accordingly to my wants. I know I have to work all day Saturday - 11-8. That's okay. I don't know if I have to work on Sunday yet. I probably will have to. Marsha said she wanted me to come over on Sunday to either watch the game or to watch a movie with her. I really want to but...I still might have to work. Then today Shane told me he might have Saturday and Sunday off! So...that would be awesome if he could come down here again. Or something.

But...I still might have to work. I hope that if I have to work it's not a 9-hour shift again. Just a few hours so I can still have some weekend to enjoy. If not, though, maybe I'll get next weekend off. I'm too hopeful I think.

I work tonight and then I'm going to bed. I'm tired and I didn't get up more than 2 hours ago. Bleh! What's wrong with me!?

Happy September Tuesday Third Day!

I wouldn't ask about it if I were you.

Shane's coming down here today. He should be here within the next twenty minutes! I can't wait!

Mom and Taylor are also going to be in town so, yay! I get to see almost everyone I love today! We're just missing a couple people.

I guess I don't really have much to say right now. I'm sick of my classes and I'm sick of these headaches. They came back. Yippy.

To All: Adios.

Another Wonderful Weekend!

Saturday after work I got my oil changed and I headed to North Platte. And can you guess what I did there? That's right! I saw my Shane!!! I stayed with him and his dad at the Holiday Inn Saturday night. This morning Shane and I went to Perkins for breakfast and I headed back to Kearney around 12:30. I had to work at 3. But seeing Shane was wonderful while it lasted. I can't wait to see him again.

Work was pretty boring. It was my first day on my own. That part went well. But Sunday evenings are soooooo uneventful. I left at 9 and came back to my room and wrote a paper that is due tomorrow. That was fun. Really, it was.

I thought I missed the new Jeff Dunham special on comedy central. And I was sad. It was just getting over when I called Shane this evening after work. But they replayed it at 10 so I'm watching it now. I can't wait to buy it! It's so hilarious!

To all: Good laughs.

New Work.

Tonight was my second night of work at Apple Market. I'm really liking it there. The girls are fun to talk to and a few of the sackers are fun, too. Checking of course isn't that hard. I checked for almost 5 hours straight tonight so I got pretty used to the registers. I have to work tomorrow 10-2. It's my last day of training. All I have to do is check while Shelly watches me and makes sure I do alright. Easy.

After work I'm getting my oil changed - and my oil filter - and a bunch of other fluids. And...then...I'm heading to North Platte to see Shane! Yay! I'll stay until Sunday around noon. I have to get back by three that afternoon 'cause I have to work again. That's alright though. I don't want to spoil myself and Shane too much. Ha.

We're reading Frankenstein for my Reading & Writing About Literature class. I've read most of it before - clear back in high school. I didn't like it back then. Maybe my mind has matured or something because I'm enjoying it this time. It just takes a while to read, there's a lot of words and a lot of details you have to pick up on in such short chapters. But it's good, and that makes me happy.

I better get to bed soon. Or I might not wake up for work tomorrow. And we don't want that.

To all: A great weekend!

Last Paycheck.

This morning I went to Walmart and picked up my very last paycheck from that place that I don't like to be. Yay!

I started training at Apple Market yesterday. I think I'm really going to like working there. Not only does my best friend Shelly work there, buuut...it's so much better a work environment that Walmart is! Sure, there's the cranky customers and the cranky workers, but you have to multiply that by 20 to get the total crankiness ratio from Apple Market to Walmart.

Tonight is my poetry night-class. I hope tonight goes better than the other nights. After this class time though we will only have 12 more poetry classes this semester! It's only one night a week, so I just have to count down weeks. It's fun to do - once we get down to 9 weeks left, I'm going to overly thrilled!

I better go and read Frankenstein - It's actually not too bad of a book.

To all: A wonderful Thursday.

Ninety-second.

I was just rereading and updating my other two blogs I have online.

On one of those blogs in particular I posted a new updating blog that I felt I should link you to. I'm sure you all know everything that is in the blog, but I feel it is very well written and it would be a shame to not at least direct you to it. Now, you don't have to feel obligated to open the link. But I felt I must give you the chance, at least.

Oh, Just Randomness.

There. My job is done; but I will keep typing.

Tonight I went to a movie for my film class. Holiday starring Katherine Hepburn and Cary Grant. It was a very good movie and I want to watch it again. In fact, I want to own it. I told Shane that it would make a very good Christmas or birthday present if he felt like getting me something. Ha, I think I'll probably get it.

I feel accomplished tonight. I went to both of my classes, lunch, and the movie for my film class. I ate supper alone (that should feel sad, but ironically it felt good.) I went to WalMart after the movie and bought only necessities: bottled water, breakfast bars, Kleenex, and trash bags. No splurging for this girl tonight. When back in my room, I cleaned Bubs's bowl and now he can see out and I can see in. After doing the much needed bowl-cleaning I cleaned my bathroom counters and the sink and washed my dishes which called for another sink-cleaning when I finished. I have tomorrow planned out well enough to call it good and I feel alright. I guess there's always a little something to be said for organization and wise time-usage.

And now that I have used up enough cyber-paper on this blog I will use some before-bed freetime to enjoy a little television, a little teeth-brushing, and finally and little relaxing bed-laying.

To all: A good-night.

Mondays?

I had a stupid moment this morning. You're not going to know what I did.

Class was boring today, as will be my Grammar class that I have to leave for in ten to fifteen minutes.

My dreams were really odd last night. I don't think I could begin to explain them!

I start working at AppleMarket on Wednesday. I'm pretty excited because I get to be trained by Shelly! Yay!

Lately, I've been very tired, and no matter how much I sleep I just can't shake it. Maybe tonight I'll go to bed as early as I possibly can! Yeah right.

Good and Bad.

So, Shannon to answer your question. Yes, something happened but I had also been planning on leaving soon. And actually...I already have a job! I went to take in my application to Apple Market where my friend Shelly works, and they gave me an interview right then! So I think I'm going to be starting next week sometime! I'm excited!

However, there was a downside of the day. Well, let me start at the beginning. This afternoon I went to Pet Kingdom to look at the fish. There are some really pretty ones that I want to get. But I had to go to Walmart first to get a small one-gallon aquarium. Shelly, Mandy and I went to Walmart and bought the little aquarium this evening. And after we got back we went for a walk. After the walk I came back to my room to set up the aquarium so it was ready for me to bring a new fishie home tomorrow afternoon. Well...I was going to say hi to my other two fishies. And I discovered that Stewie, the comet goldfish, was dead. I'm okay, I didn't cry or anything! But I've had him for awhile, a long time for a goldfish in my possession at least. We had a funeral and I'm asking everyone to take a moment of silence for Stewie tomorrow, Thursday the 13th, at 1:45pm central time. I'd really appreciate it. And I'm sure he would appreciate it on his way to Fishie Heaven, which coincidentally, is also People Heaven! Yay!

Have a good night, day, and other. Loves.

This Is How It Goes.

Yesterday I quit working at Wal-Mart.

Today I went to class and did homework.

Tomorrow I will go to class and take my applications to the stores I applied at.

Thursday I will go to my two classes.

Friday is undecided.

And that is how it goes.

A Wonderful Weekend!

This wonderful weekend brought to in part by The Kaylee Loves Shane Foundation.
...and also by...
Viewers Like You.

Uhm...

Anyway - Saturday after I got off of work I went back home for a few hours (long that I'd wanted) to see the family. I was hoping to get on the road to North Platte around 6:30 - well, that turned into 8 because of set-backs caused by none other than, Dad. That's okay - that's over now.

Well, I got into Sutherland a little after 10pm and hung out with Shane. We eventually went to bed 'cause I was tired, and he was too. All night he was doing some weird walking-and-talking in his sleep and for most of the night he was sleeping in the living room on the couch instead of in the bedroom with me...that's alright.

Today we woke up and had breakfast/lunch with his aunt and uncle. Then the four of us drove around Sutherland looking at houses for sale or rent. We didn't see anything we really liked - or that was in our price range. Later, after the Broncos game (they won) Shane and I went into North Platte to hang out. We spent the majority of our time in Wal-Mart; don't we always? We drove around some carlots and he showed me around town. We ate at Whiskey Creek and headed back to Sutherland so I could get headed back to Kearney.

The drive back was okay. Lonely, after having been with Shane all day. Traffic was traffic. It rained for probably an hour out of the two hours I was on the road. It was a nice rain - I barely had to use my wipers. I listened to good music and sang all the way back.

Oh, I forgot to mention! Last February (2006) on Valentine's day I sprained my left ankle. Well, it never really healed all the way. And just Saturday at work it really started hurting again. I think I must have twisted it or turned on it weird. It was hurting so bad today that we had to go to Wal-Mart a second time to get a brace for my ankle. With the brace on, it feels much better, but I can still feel where the tendon is just not right.

Anyway, that was my wonderful weekend. Brought to you by the letter W, and the number 3!

Adult Speaking.

I am twenty years old, yes? You would think by now if I would try to have an adult conversation with my mother that we could successfully meet that goal. No.

I just asked her a simple question about this weekend and she gets all defensive about something that doesn't even matter! I think we're finally getting to the point where my parents know they can't make all my decisions for me, but now they're just going to be mean about it. They're not just going to give their opinion and politely step back and wait to see what decision I make. They're going to defensively state their opinion and then breathe down my neck until I conform to their wishes. I can't keep doing that! For once...please, once, I want to make my up my own mind about something that doesn't even concern them!

I've come to terms that I wasn't raised the way I should have been raised and that I've been lied to for my entire existence by the two people that should never lie to me - my parents. They tell me to learn from their mistakes, not my own, but they won't admit to their mistakes! I find them out for myself and then whimper in my little corner until I can manage to forgive them for doing such a thing - and they don't even know I know! I'm forgiving two people that don't ask to be forgiven by their daughter because they don't even know enough about their daughter to realize that she's not stupid!

If they want me to be my own person then let me make a few decisions from time to time! Don't make me YOUR person. Let me make a mistake and let me live with the consequences of my mistake. Let me take a chance on something and if I don't like what I've done make ME turn around and try to correct what I've done. I understand parents want to shelter their kids from everything that's bad, but they have no right to tell me what to do in this situation when I know the truth. They can lie and deny it all they want, but I know, and I won't make the mistake they made, because I'm not that irresponsible! I'm smart enough to know to say no when I need to. And I'm smart enough to get myself out of something before I get too deep in trouble that I can't make it out.

They tell me to do all these things, and still I don't know what they want from me. I hurt knowing that somehow I've disappointed my parents, but I've only disappointed them by doing what they tell me. That may not make sense to you, but I understand full well. Hypocritical, that's what it is. They can shelter me from everything they want to shelter me from, but what kind of person does that make me? I feel useless, dumb, and sick because of everything I've been sheltered from. I come to college and I'm so unexperienced with so much that I can't fit in. They tell me to do this and do that, and I try, but I don't know how. They don't realize that they never taught me how to do the things I need to do to accomplish everything they wanted of me. I've failed trying to become what they wanted; I tried so hard and fell harder everytime because I missed the lessons. I missed the world. I missed every chance I could have taken to be something great, because I was spending all my time trying to figure out how to make it happen. I didn't - and still don't - take any chances. I'm too afraid that my next step will be the wrong one.

How can anybody live their life like that? Afraid to do anything because they don't want to fail? You have to fail at something to become good at something else. But I never found what I was good at because I was busy failing for my parents. I tried so damn hard, but I never knew what I was supposed to do and why.

This is one big circle. And how do I make it stop? I could turn a corner. Circles have no corners. What will my corner be?

Allergies, Colds, and Tummy Aches.

You all know I have terrible allergies this allergy season. But what you are about to find out is that I woke up this morning with a cold on top of my allergies! And furthermore...I have a tummy ache!
I went to Walmart today to get my paycheck and by my mom her birthday present. I stocked up on the Vicks vapor rub, and the Sudafed, and Kleenex. Bleh, it needs to freeze outside and soon!

Saturday after work I'm going back home to Wilcox to give mom her birthday present and see the family. Sunday morning I'm heading up to North Platte to see Shane for the day. It'll be great to see him, but it'll be even harder to say goodbye this time!

I have my night class tonight and I'm sure I'll fall asleep in it. I'm so tired today from all the head congestion and I probably won't have time for a nap. Oh well, class is nothing important haha.

Slowing Down.

The rush of the first week of school is slowing down finally. And we're all getting back into our rut of not being able to wake up with enough time to make yourself look decent for class. Those assignments we write down in the wrong notebook get forgotten until we're sitting in class. And we start noticing a slight stench of B.O. coming from each classroom as the end of summer gets hotter before it cools down.

Aw, such is the life of a college student. I'm excited that this is going to be my last semester here at UNK. Sure I'll be leaving behind teachers that I really like, friends that I've made, and friends that I've had forever. But it's time for this change. It's much welcomed.

Building up enough confidence to stand up to your parents and say "I'm leaving" and "I'm making this decision on my own" takes time and so much patience. Reflecting back to childhood you never thought you'd be making decisions like this, nor did you ever think you'd know how. But my time has come to break away and become the decision-making twenty year old that I need to be. I only hope that my parents understand and support me and don't become overwhelmingly upset with me that they don't want much to do with me anymore. I'm sure that latter won't happen to the highest degree, but something of that nature could happen.

I'm nervous to be leaving and starting something brand new in my life. I know Shane and I will be happy and whatever happens will work out. But there's always something saying "what if." In this case, that something is my mom. Sure it's wonderful to question and doubt sometimes. But then there's those times when you just have to do whatever it is you think to do! If you wait around your whole life not doing what you want because all those what ifs get in the way, you'll never do anything. You won't step up and meet that guy you've been looking for. You won't say yet if that guy asks you to marry him. You'll be too scared to move far away for a job that sounds amazing. You won't have kids because you'll never have enough money. All these things are things you just need to do. Only dwell on the what ifs if your plan is to talk yourself out of something. But if it's something you truly want to do, don't think, just do.

That's all I have to say right now. I have to go to class.

Wedding Dress.

I am happy to announce that I have found the wedding dress I want to have for my wedding. If I can't get this exact dress I want the one I do get to look similar to this one.

And I want the red on it like it shows up on the screen. Tell me what you think!

Wedding Dress.

Allergies Go Away.

My hayfever is killing me this year! My eyes hurt so bad I feel the only way to make them stop hurting is by gouging out my eyeballs and feeding them to my fish. That's not graphic at all.

My nose isn't just stuffy, it's completely blocked. There's a guard with a gun and everything. Nothing must come out! I'm sure my voice sound awful nasely but I can't help it!

Anyway, Shane called me at 6ish this morning. He started his job at 8ish this morning. He's training right now.

Last night I spent hours uploading all my Colorado pictures to MySpace and Facebook. You should check them out. They're pretty cool.

I don't remember if I said before, but I got Shane's blanket done. I'm excited that it's done - it looks really cool. I'm happy!

Well, I better go. I think I need to just lie down for awhile and hope my breathing returns to normal.

Work, Shane, and My Girls.

Work was alright tonight. My mind keeps telling me that I have to keep myself busy or else I'll start thinking too much about how I miss Shane. So at work I ran. I didn't stop the whole night except when I had to take a break for fifteen minutes (we have to) and I needed to file a nail down because it cracked. Ladieswear looked amazing when I left tonight.

I talked to Shane about an hour after work. He was kind of bored. And tired. And sun burned. He misses me and I miss him. What's new?

I went to Amanda's room tonight and Shelly and Trevor came over. We watched a little bit of a movie, made a chocolate run to Walmart, and then hung out and watched country music videos from 1997 and 1998 and sang along because we knew all of them. I really needed to hang out with the girls and Trevor. I needed to be away from things that remind me too much of Shane. It's not that I want to forget about Shane - it's not possible anyway - I just need to focus on other things so as not to break down crying.

Before I went to Amanda's I finished Shane's blanket. All I really need to do is to cut off all the strings, wrap it, and give it to him. I'm not going to wait until Christmas to give it to him like I had earlier planned. He'll get it next time I see him - but it'll still be considered a Christmas present. Of course, he'll still get more things from me, too!

I'm very happy right now. I miss Shane like crazy, but he's out there starting a new job and getting ready for us to settle down, eventually get married and have babies. I can't wait! All I've ever wanted in life was to be a loving wife with an amazing husband and have adorable babies! And my dream has been coming true since January. It's the best feeling in the world! Of course, to achieve any goal you must make sacrifices. And my sacrifice was being away from Shane for a few months. He sacrificed the same - only being away from me.

I love being happy. I hope you're all happy too!

Sundays and Homework.

It is Sunday. I woke later than I thought I should this morning. I slept in an extra hour and then laid in bed for another half and hour just contemplating life and death. Alright, actually I didn't much at all. Especially about life and death.

I did much of my homework this morning. I had a lot of reading to do. I'm an English major - what do you expect? Tonight after work I have to type up some notes I had to take for some of my reading to hand in on Tuesday. I don't get why we have to take notes and then hand them in. Don't you usually take notes to keep for your own personal use? Maybe it's just me, but it seems strange.

We don't have classes tomorrow due to the amazing Labor Day. I still have to work in the evening but it's only for four and a half hours. I think I can handle that. The campus is very empty this weekend. Everybody seems to have gone home for the weekend except me. That's okay - I like the quiet.

One request for everyone that reads my blog. Please send me your mailing address. And if you send it to me and then it changes, please keep me updated. If you don't want to give me your address through a comment here on my blog, email it to me at: kayleeallyn@gmail.com. Thank you!

Big Change.

Shane left this morning. He starts his job on Tuesday. I don't know when I'm going to get to see him again.

I feel really lost right now. Usually he's still at Wal-Mart working when I get off of work on Saturdays. And today he wasn't there. I called him and he didn't answer - bad reception probably.

It's that hollow feeling you get when something you're so used to changes suddenly.

I sit here thinking I should have looked into his eyes two minutes longer this morning before saying goodbye. I wish I would have hugged him tighter and said I love you once more.

Yes, I'll see him again. And yes, I'll talk to him everyday. But this is so hard. And I hope that no one will ever have to feel this way. And if you have, I pray you never have to feel it again.

I don't know if I should find something to do to get my mind off of being sad, or if it's better to just sit here and think. I don't really feel like doing anything, but I have much homework this weekend. And it's all reading. I can't concentrate on a text book on a normal day. And this isn't a normal day. I'd probably end up tearing the pages into pieces and not realize it.

I really want to call a friend and see if they want to do something. I know Sarena and Dan are free this afternoon. Reason-not-to One: I really do need to try and do some homework. Reason-not-to Two: The last time I hung out with Sarena and Dan Shane was there with me and that'll make me sad. And also I would probably get jealous of Sarena because she can be with Dan. Reason-not-to Three: I don't think I can move all that much. It took a lot to actually do work today at Wal-Mart; and I had to do a lot today.

I know my friends are around and supportive and they love me. But I don't want to be the party-pooper, in a sense. I don't want to doubt myself and start feeling like they're hanging out with me out of sympathy.

I'm scared to listen to music in fear that any song will make me think of Shane and I'll start to cry.

And I'm scared to turn on the television to my favorite channels because my favorites are also Shane's favorites and we watched our favorite shows together.

I don't want to take a nap because Shane laid on my bed.

And I really don't want to think because when I do I think about Shane first of all and I become more sad.

Okay, I'm done writing this feeling-sorry-for-myself blog. I'm going to eat something because I haven't all day, and I'm going to try and do some homework, and then, depending on the time, I'm going to find something else to keep me entertained. Maybe I'll go to Hastings and rent a movie Shane doesn't like.

Love.

A Question.

How do you get your parents to listen to you? I'm sure I've tried pretty much everything except the attempted suicide thing - and I would NEVER try that.

And how do you get your parents to let you make your own decisions? They just won't let me do it.

And how can you trust your parents to help you make the right decisions when they tell you straight-out that they wish they would have made different decisions when they were younger.

If your mom tells you that you should stay in college and get a degree so you can be your own person, and say I do what she says, doesn't that make me the person she wants me to be?

When it comes down to it should I just do what I want and not even run it by them first?

If I always do what they say will they always have that power over me?

Are they doing this because they don't want to lose their baby girl? Or are they doing it because they like the power parents supposedly have?

Those are some questions.

As you can tell I'm having some issues with my parents. This is the first time I've had problems with them like this - it's never been this bad. But I'm getting sick of them trying to control every aspect of my life, sure I value their opinion and agree with them about certain things. But they can't tell me to do whatever they want whenever they want me to do it. I need to be my own person and make my own decisions and if that means making my own mistakes and learning from them, fine. I'd rather be mad at myself for choosing to do something then be mad at them for making me do something I didn't want to do.

If you have any advice, it would be greatly appreciated.

Love.

And Away...!

I only have one class today. Film As Literature. It should be fun. Shelly might be taking that class so that'll make it better no matter what the class is like.

So, I'm not dropping Spanish. But I'm going to be struggling through it all semester.

It's hot again today. It was only supposed to get up to 85 and it was supposed to rain. Either happened. It's probably 90ish degrees and just humid.

After class today Shane and I are going to hang out and then this evening I think we're going to do something with Dan and Sarena.

How is life for everyone else?

School Days...

I'm dropping Spanish. I just can't do it. And don't tell me that I can - because I'll poke you in the eye. I haven't had any Spanish classes since my Sophomore year in high school and this is my third year of college - it's been awhile.

If I start taking classes at a community college when I move in with Shane I'll take a foreign language then - and I'll hope it isn't has hard. Either way, it's Spanish - I'm not good with foreign languages - especially I'm not around them enough. Sure there's lots of Spanish speaking student at UNK, but I don't have any classes with them and I really don't hang out with people outside of work and my three girls.

I don't know - it stinks. I have nothing against the Spanish language - I just have a lot against me learning it when I'm not going to need it for writing a novel and raising my children. *shrugs*

The rest of my classes went well today. Reading and Writing About Lit is going to be different but it'll be fine. Grammar will be fun - I like the teacher.

Anyway...I'm going to lay down and drink a nice cold soda before I have to go to work.

And I apologize for being away from my blog for so long. But I'm back now and that's all that matters.

I hope everyone has a great day!!!

It's Monday.

Classes start today here at good ol' UNK. Am I excited? I guess one could answer that question with a simple NO. My first class this semester is Spanish. My friend Amanda is in that class with me, so we can do our homework together. Blah, I'm nervous about this class. Today I also have Reading & Writing about Liturature - shouldn't be too bad. And after lunch I have Grammar. Ah, to be an English major.

Tomorrow I only have one class and that is Film as Literature. Thursdays I have that class and my night class which is Advanced Poetry. We'll see how that goes.

After this semester I am moving. I will be withdrawing from UNK and moving in with Shane in North Platte. He starts working for the railroad on the third of September and the next four months are going to be terrible not being able to see him. Since January I've basically seen Shane everyday and very abruptly that will change come next Sunday. Of course we'll get to see each other every once in a while during those four months, but it'll still be very hard. At least I'll have plenty of homework and hours at Walmart to keep me busy.

I'm in the same room I had last semester. In Martin Hall. I have no roommate according to my request. It's nice. Amanda and Kasi still live on campus in the new building - it's nice. And Shelly lives off but close to campus so I can see her a lot! This is very good as I will need a lot of friends around me until January when I move.

My allergies are extra bad this year I think. They sure are kicking my butt at least. I hope it cools down soon - weather wise - 'cause then pollen will go bye bye! And Kaylee will be happy happy!

Anyway...gotta make my bed and head to class. Bleh, wish me luck.

Good Day.

To start off: for the last three or so weeks I have found myself in a state of (self-titled) surface depression. I guess that sort of explains itself, right? Like, I'm not completely depressed to the point I'm suffocating on my own self-loathing. I'm just sad. A lot. And upset. And I can't seem to find much that makes me real happy.

Shane makes me happy. A lot. Basically all the time, but who's keeping track? And I feel bad because sometimes I don't show how happy I am to be with him because I'm letting so much else weigh me down. Work. Upcoming school. Work some more. Family stuff. My own faults. Money. Life. Religion. Or lack there of. I don't know. This last three weeks have been bad and I'm sorry to any people I've hurt, made upset, or haven't seem to notice because of my own bad days.

However. Today. Was. Good. Last night I promised Shane that I would eventually find a day that I was completely happy the entire day. Today wasn't quite that day. But it was pretty darn close. The morning started off pretty rocky, but as the day progressed I felt much better. Shane and I had a fun time hanging out at my house. I baked a cake and we watched Star Wars Episode II. Great movie. He had to leave early to go to North Platte for his interview that is tomorrow morning.

Mom's Family Night Dress Rehearsal of Always...Patsy Cline was tonight. Taylor and I went and picked up Grandma and drove to the Opera House to see it. It was wonderful! Mom is so talented and amazing!! Dad met us there. He thought it was awesome, too.

I've stopped singing for reasons that only I can really understand - I think - but after tonight having seen Mom up on the stage singing and acting her heart out I really want to start singing again. But I just don't know how to go about doing that without getting taken advantage of. And anymore it's hard to find anyone else that will care the smallest bit about you if you can't play an instrument yourself. Who cares if you can sing? Why don't you learn to play the guitar? I just don't know what to do about it. I need help, but again, I wouldn't know where to start looking for it.

Anyway - that was my random blog of the evening.

Fear No Longer!

I am back! I really wasn't anywhere...but I know, it's been awhile since I've posted anything. My apologies.

Summer is going alright - still working at Wal-Mart. It's not that bad. I guess.

Shane and I are still getting married, if you were wondering. We're very excited. We're also very excited because he might be getting the job he really wants to get! If he gets the job he'll be moving, that part is sad, BUT after this fall semester I might be taking a semester off of school or just quit school for the time being and go up to live with him. That's the exciting part.

I have a hamster - I don't remember if I posted about that. Her name is Betty. I'm thinking about getting rid of her. If you know of anyone who wants a hamster and wants to spend around 30 dollars for her, the cage, and all the other stuff, please let me know.

Uhm...Bubs is somehow still alive.

In August I might be - hopefully - going on vacation with Shane and his family. It'll be fun.

School starts on August 20th. Not that exciting. *shrugs*

Anyway - that's uh-ma-blahg. I hope you enjoi'dit.

Work and the People that Make it Hard.

So we all know that I work at Walmart, right? Yeah. So it's been getting awfully hard to work there as of late.

There's one girl that just doesn't show up when she's scheduled and doesn't call in to let us know she won't be there. So other people end up having to put away her freight and her returns so they can't be in their departments when they're supposed to be. On the same note, because we're short this person, we have less people to cover breaks and help check - so we become even fewer on the floor!

Then we have this other lady that thinks that the world is out to get her, or something. When she works she only works four hour shifts. On weekends, we are very busy, especially when we're under-staffed (every weekend) and she thinks that nobody is doing their jobs in the morning so she has to do EVERYTHING when she gets there at 4 in the afternoon.

Then we have a manager that is 100% hypocritical. She tells us she wants all our freight carts off the floor as fast as we can and gives us this list of stuff to finish over the weekend and then doesn't back us up when we're called up to help check! We can't finish anything she wants us to because she makes us go up front and then she gets mad at us for not getting her stuff done! She's partially in trouble for not scheduling enough people on the weekends, but that doesn't mean anything because she's a manager.

Then there are the people that work in softlines that actually do their jobs. Sarena, Linda, Sarah, & Annelle (out of the few people I work with/excluding most day people.) We try our hardest to get everything put away and zoned and cleaned - all while we're trying to help customers and help the front end because there's a major lack of cashiers lately. We can't do everything - each of us is not 3 people with 4 hands each. Sorry we're not perfect, Walmart.

I try to stay out of all the arguments as much as I can. I'll admit - I will take a side, but I won't fight anyone's battles for them and I try my hardest to keep on everyone's goodside just to keep things running semi-smoothly. It doesn't work. Ever. Just tonight I was turned into management for not working all day today by the second lady I mentioned. Just because Sarena and I were working together, and she and Sarena don't get along, I have to be drug into it. I've never started any battles or arguments with anyone. Like I said - I try to just stay out of people's way and try to be as friendly as I can be, especially to those associates that think I hate them. Of course, we can't always be in wonderful, happy, bunny rabbits and rainbows, moods - but when I am, I'm still trying to be pleasant, in some sense. But there was no reason I had to get turned into management today - AFTER I WAS OFF THE CLOCK AND OUT OF THE STORE, even! This lady, heck, her name is Kathy...Kathy is not there in the mornings and early afternoons on Saturdays and Sundays - when the store is at it's busiest. It's extremely hard to get everything done when there's a shortage of associates on the floor. She just needs to stop whining and do her job. There's been times I could have turned her into management (and a couple times I did) - but it was for actual reasons and while she was still there so they could talk to her and do something about it. But it was never because I THOUGHT she wasn't doing what she was supposed to be doing - it was because I KNEW that she wasn't. It's a big difference. She has no idea how hard it is to work at Walmart when it's really busy trying to get everything done JUST so she doesn't come in and bitch and moan about it all night! Really, I've started working for her frickin' happiness! not the store. It's all 'well Kathy's going to be mad about that...' and 'ooo better get that done before Kathy gets here' - and she's not even higher ranking than the rest of us! She's only been there a couple months longer than I!

Sorry, I'm ranting - and doing a very poor job at it. This probably makes no sense - and you've probably read it all to this point and are getting very bored and upset. I'm sorry, you can stop reading - but I'm probably going to keep ranting a bit longer...

I'm getting real close to either quitting Walmart altogether or trying to transfer to another department - I just can't deal with all this bickering and other crap that all centers around the fitting room and all the softlines departments! I don't know we all (get ready for it...) can't get along! It's ridiculous and I'm fed up with it. If I go to management about anything it'll be about how I can't stand working in that department because I try to do my job and I can't because everyone is complaining about somebody else and vice versa -

Ya know, I just remembered...I left Kathy a note today before I left and she came in saying that I was sorry that there was so much left to be done in ladieswear - and I explained to her WHY there was so much left. Why the heck did she not believe me!? I was being honest with her, unlike some other people, and I get frickin' turned in. If I get in trouble with management about this...I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't want to have to quit, it's good money and I need it - and I really wouldn't mind the job if everyone could just cool it! And I don't want to have to transfer to another department because that would be more training and possibly a pay-reduction depending on where I transfer. I don't know...I'm just sick of it all. And no one seems to be making an effort to quit all the fighting.

Some people just cannot understand other things and they don't try to understand them either. I know how if feels to come in to work on a Saturday evening and having more-than-normal-amounts of work to do because either the morning person just didn't get it done or there just wasn't anyone there in the morning! Kathy has never had to work a morning on Saturday or Sunday (to the best of my knowledge...) She has no idea how it is. I deal with it. And if I can't get everything done I apologize to whomever deserves the apology and go on with whatever I need to. There is only so much I can do if there's no one there to help. If Kathy doesn't start understanding, or at least try to start understanding, maybe she should just quit. She's been talking how she doesn't like this job anyway. Well, then why stay? And why bicker about things you obviously cannot change at work? I don't know.

I hope you all know this is basically a personal rant because I have no one to talk to about it right now.

I'm just so frustrated. I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose my job or be forced to quit or transfer. Especially over something as petty as this. I try, other people try, thus far, Kathy has not tried. She doesn't understand and she doesn't deal. We do both.

I'm done now - I think. I hope I can get sleep tonight.

Oo, and I just thought...tomorrow afternoon I come in only an hour before she does - there probably won't be anyone to do my freight and returns in the morning...so she's going to be mad at me again for some reason - well gee, maybe I should just go in to work at five in the morning and make everything beautiful for Kathy! And while I'm at it, I'll wash her car and vacuum her living room or something. If she gets crazy tomorrow afternoon I'm just going to volunteer myself to go up front and check all night so she has to learn to deal by herself.

The End. Good Night. I Hope.

Actually: A good Myspace Bulletin.

Yeah, I got this from Myspace. A friend of mine posted it. It's great.

The Sad Passing of Common Sense

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.

Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they failed to do in disciplining their unruly children

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Panadol, sun lotion or a sticky plaster to a student; but, could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar can sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else is to Blame, and I'm A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

Short-winded Book Review for a rather Long-winded Book.

Mary McGarry Morris wrote a book. She wrote a book that took a long time to read. This book that she wrote was called "Songs In Ordinary Time." It was a long-winded book written by a long-winded author that takes a long time to explain a very simple story. I don't know, it was a good book, if you like very long drawn-out, semi-boring stories. I really don't, but some of you out there might. It was a story of a not-so-well-off family that's trying to make it. Ex-hubby and daddy is an alcoholic ruining everyone's lives and mommy is a stressed out, under-paid, trying-to-make-ends-meet woman that needs attention and when she gets any attention from her three children she ends up screaming at them. Mommy meets a strange guy that turns out to be a quick-handed traveling salesman and an aspiring murderer.

On a scale of one to ten, one being the crappiest book I've ever read, I would give this book a 5 on execution of the story, 4 on length, 7 on character development, and a measly 2 on the conclusion. It was pretty weak and didn't make me feel any emotion other than Thank God this book is done so I can start a new one. I have to say, in parts I did enjoy reading it and became captivated at times making me read for a few hours straight. But the length of the book was unnecessary. I don't know if Ms. Morris always writes so long-windedly, or if she was given seven hundred and forty pages and told to have fun. It beats me.

I don't recommend this book to you. I hate to admit it, but...this book was one of Oprah's Book Club books. It was the only book in the house that I hadn't read...give me a break.

More book reviews to come.

Miss Betty Josephine.

I have, yet, another new baby.

Miss Betty Josephine is my black (with a white tummy) Fancy hamster that I got today. She's adorable! She's listening to me type right now - she must like the sound.

Shane has two new babies, too! Creep and Spaz the crazy gerbils. He got them on Thursday. They're cute!

Miss Betty was named after the old cartoon character, Betty Boop. She was my favorite cartoon character when I was little. I used to call her Boopy when I was real little. Yeah...just a little trip down Memory Lane, sorry.

That's all I had to say.

This Weekend.

It's Sunday so the weekend is almost over and I didn't really get much of a weekend. Work has been border-line stressful. Friday was the worst! Yesterday we thought it was going to be horrible 'cause we only had three people in the morning, but it actually turned out alright. I work tonight and then again tomorrow evening. I'm looking forward to next Saturday - I don't have to work! Somehow I got the whole day off!!

As of yesterday I have had Bubs, my fish, for three weeks - it's a record for me! And as of tomorrow Shane and I have been engaged for two weeks! And it's been fabulous.

My friend Sarena's wedding is the latter part of June - I'm looking forward to it. It's so exciting! This is the first wedding I'll be attending that is one of my friends' weddings - all the others I've been to are friends of the family (so not my friends) or family weddings...so it's really exciting to be able to get to go to one of my closest friend's wedding! And it's also exciting to think that soon I'm going to be starting to plan MY wedding! Can you believe that?! It's amazing! This long engagement thing will be a good deal for all the planning that weddings entail.

Anyway, I have to go and get ready for work. Have a great week!

Half of a Sleepless Night...

I went to bed around midnight. Didn't have too much trouble falling asleep. While asleep however I kept dreaming that I was cashiering at work, because they had me up checking for almost two hours last night. I woke up around 4 and have tried desperately for the last hour to fall back asleep, but I can't.

My back and shoulders are killing me, my foot is still killing me, and now I have this weird ache one side of my throat. My body can't decide if I'm hot or cold and my stomach is feeling a little icky. I think I might be getting sick. That is something I really don't need right now. Sure I'd love to just lie in bed all day and read a book and sleep whenever, but I have work also. I need to get paid for something! I don't know...

Tuesday Shane and I are going to my Grandparents' house to tell them the news. I'm more nervous having to tell my Grandparents' that I'm getting married than I was when I thought I had to tell my parents about it. Haha. Thank God Shane went to them first like a good boy.

I guess I'm going to try to fall asleep again...not likely, but it's worth trying.

Suicide.

Don't worry, not me.

I was heading over to my television to feed my beta fish, Bubs - his bowl is on top of it. Bubs, I've known since I got him, is a very aggressive fish. Every morning when I feed him he attacks his food and he quickly dives to the bottom of the bowl and tries to bury himself in the rocks. He does this whether or not I'm around his bowl. Today was horrible! I took the lid off to feed him - usually I keep the lid off while he eating so he can better see the food and so far it's been alright. Today...oh my...I took the lid off and reached for his food and that's when he made his escape - onto the top of my television. Now betas don't flop around when they're out of water (I just learned) so I thought he was instantly dead. No, I tried to scoop him back in his water when he jumped again and hit my leg and basically rolled down to my carpeted floor. Again, he didn't flop around making me assume he was, actually this time, dead. As I was trying to scoop him up in my hands he jumped again and then once more when I just moved to have a better angle at him. Finally I just waited until he jumped, caught him in my hands (which was weird) and plopped him back in his water. He's fine. Probably doesn't even know what happened. I fed him - with the lid on this time - and he ate just like normal, attacking his food and diving to the bottom. Since Bubs is a pretty big beta I think I'm going to tape the lid down so he can't push it open.

Apparently fish need to take walks too.

Wednesday.

Ha, I just had the worst time trying to type "Wednesday." How weird.

Mom and I just got back from a little walk. We had to go mail some stuff at the post office - one thing was an RSVP to a couple friends' wedding. Sarena and Dan. I'm so excited for their wedding. It's next month. They're real good for each other and they're pretty cute together too! :) Hehe.

Shane was and still is in the North Platte area today. I think right now he's in Hershey visiting family and he might be staying with them tonight so he can maybe go a hiring session for UP tomorrow morning.

I have two posters to hang up in my room so I think I'm going to do that and read more of the book I started yesterday. It's called "A Song In Ordinary Time" and it's opening kind of slow. But mom says is real good and that she really liked it so I'm looking forward to getting past page 16 haha.

I'm also going to be baking oatmeal/chocolate chip cookies this afternoon. Yay! Cookies!

A...Four? Book Reviews...

I have officially been finished with my 2007 Spring Semester at the University of Nebraska at Kearney for twelve days. In that time I have completed the readings of four novels. Let me further explain:

*The first book I finished is "The Memory Keeper's Daughter" by Kim Edwards. I started reading it a week or so after my 20th birthday in February. Having started reading it during a semester in which I had two separate English classes I had very little time to enjoy this book in between my British literature novels and my Poetry compilations. However, it added a very nice get-away from my boring homework on nights that I found myself wide awake and full of reading strength.

I don't wish to give away all the details of any of the books that I have read this summer, but I will give insight to some intriguing story lines. In "The Memory Keeper's Daughter" we meet a man and a woman who are newly married and become pregnant and this all starts around the '50s. The woman ends up having twins that are delivered by her doctor husband (lucky I would say.) The first born was a boy they name Paul and the second a girl. They were not expecting twins and when she was born the doctor-slash-dad noticed the regular hints of Downs syndrome in the facial features of the little baby girl and passes the baby off to the attending nurse to take her to an institution to save the mother from trying to raise a "touched" child.

Problems and the lie the father is holding from his wife escalate and soon they fall apart. The nurse decides to keep the little girl, Pheobe, to raise as her own - going through their own struggles. It's a very touching book but I, personally, became almost angry at parts trying to get the characters to do what I wanted them to do in my head. But with no such avail. It is a very good book and I do recommend it to anyone that likes a good, touching story from time to time.

*The second book that I finished was one that I finished the day after I completed "The Memory Keeper's Daughter." It's called "Yours Until Dawn" by Teresa Medeiros. You might not have heard the name. Most likely it's because you are not familiar with romance novels. Let me define quickly that there are two kinds of romance novels. There are the smut-romance novels and the love-romance novels. This was border-line. It was a beauty-and-the-beast story, which is my favorite kind of story/fairy-tale/Disney movie. It's a sweet endearing love story with a little of the "smut" mixed in, but it's not overly exaggerated as it is in full-blown smut-romance novels.

It's a good read if you have the time. It's definitely an easy-read, but it is long. Three hundred and seventy-three pages long. I still haven't figured how you can make a romance novel drag on that long.

In any case, there are two main characters, Samantha and Gabriel. He's blind and he has a nasty scar on his face; both resulting from a war. She is a new nurse at his mansion - by the way, he's a rich'n. She grins and bares his hatefulness and obnoxious behavior and they both end up falling for each other. Of course, there is a great twist at the end of the novel that I wasn't even expecting!

I wouldn't recommend this book to just anybody. I guess you have to have the stomach for lovey-dovey romance novels.

*"House of Leaves" written by Mark Z. Danielewski was the third book I finished - the same night I finished "Yours Until Dawn," in fact. I started it almost two years ago when I received the book as a gift from my parents. I had asked for it because it seemed rather interesting. On further inspection, i.e. reading it, I found it to be quite dull and yet still too over-done in parts.

It's a very confusing book. In fact, it's a piece of artwork rather than a book. I don't mean the story was that good, I mean very plainly that the pages are white with scattered and mix-matched fonts, alignments, and written-gibberish. I've never seen anything like that that was purposefully made that way. It was a headache to get through; trying to save your place as you locate and read a three-page footnote. I tell you, it was getting ridiculous. But I finished it, thank you.

Listen carefully, unless you're extremely curious as to what this book is really like DON'T read it. Please, save yourself. It's not worth opening. I was horribly disappointed. All the reviews I read on it were very good, even the bad reviews were good! But the book was awful. And now I feel like Simon Cowell. Just don't read it.

*And finally the fourth book of the twelve days: "Lilith's Dream" by Whitely Strieber. It was a novel, yes. A rather disappointing novel it turned out to be. I hate reading the backs of books before I read them but I bought this one off a bargain-book shelf and it was fairly new - 2002 - and it looked very promising. This author I guess specializes in writing about vampires. I can say truthfully that I enjoy a good vampire movie or book every once in a while. This one, however, was pushing the threshold of my liking a little too much for comfort. Because it was a modern-day vampire story it jumped around a lot and there was a lot to do with government and CIA and New York. Not a big fan.

And surely, you can't ever have a vampire novel without a couple strange "love"-scenes scattered throughout the book whenever the author backs himself into a tight corner. The finally he breaks free of his writer's block long enough to throw in a chase scene or a decent dialog between a human woman, a half-vampire man, and their 1/16th-vampire son. Don't worry the whole book is not that weird or confusing.

I would actually recommend this book. It's lengthy but good. It's written well, apart from that over-done vampire-on-vampire action that really doesn't make any book any better.

Out of those four "The Memory Keeper's Daughter" was my favorite. I am currently out of new reading material. I just stayed up until five in the morning finishing half of "Lilith's Dream" and I guess I'm not even tired. I'm basically running on all adrenaline and I will eventually crash, and it will be bad.

Well, those were my four book reviews. I hope you enjoyed them. After I finish another book I'll get back to with another review.

A Lifetime...

Well, needless to say, Shane and I talked about everything that was progressing in our lives.

And he was holding a little secret against me for the last day.

He had talked to my parents regarding some very important matter that I didn't find out about until tonight after we had a nice dinner in Kearney.

He...

PROPOSED!

We are now engaged...to be married. And it's amazing! I can say I am the future Mrs. Yetter.

AH! I'm so excited!

Feelings.

Today has been a sad, upsetting day.

It started off badly. I had set my alarm for 7 this morning because...

_______

Well, as I was typing that Shane called me. Technically, he had called me back.

I had a bad day today. All day - was bad. The worst part was when I got some really crappy news from Shane. We're, I guess going to talk about this thing tomorrow or something - so not only did I have all day to worry about it, I get to worry about it all day tomorrow too! I'm ready for the worst - I'll just put it that way.

This is, by far, the worst feeling I've ever had. And I can't stop crying. I just finished off my box of tissues.

Today has surely marked our 4th month together as a real bad one. I wish it would have been different. Much different. In fact - I wish I could have today to do over. I just wouldn't have woken up at all - slept all day. Skipped work, not answered my phone...it would have been just great. But I can't do that. All I can do is sit here and cry - and eventually I'll probably cry myself to sleep holding my pillows like they might leave me, too.

I hate Saturdays.

Just As I Thought...

Well, I finished reading two books today. That's how un-exciting my life was today.

I passed all my classes this semester - finally got all my grades back. Parents really don't seem to care. They say "good job" but that's it and they don't even sound too happy about it. Lately I've really been considering quitting school and working full-time at Wal*Mart even though that would surely be the death of me.

My new fishie Bubs is aggressive yet surprisingly timid. He's paradoxical just as I.

Something really hasn't been "right" between Shane and myself for the last couple of days. I don't know - it's not like we're "growing apart" or we're getting too used to each other, it's just...I think it's because we're not constantly in each other's line of sight as of late. He's in Axtell and I'm in Wilcox and gas is expensive and life is going crazy. And most of that has nothing to do with anything save for my mind's troubled rants. Monday when Shane came over I got angry and frustrated for a reason that is probably still unknown to him. I didn't know how to talk to him about it, and now it's over and we finished the day like there was something wrong but we didn't care. Then today, right now, I'm a little upset because I told him at noon when I called him that if he wants to give me a call anytime today he can. And he didn't. Sure I had woken him up when I called to tell him that, but I just feel like he would have wanted to call me anyway. I just called him a couple minutes ago and he was playing his video game that I gave him for his birthday. I'm glad he likes playing it, but our "conversation", if you could call it that, was being staggered by swords clinking and his one-track mind reverting back to his game after I tell him something that is actually, in my mind, kind of impressive. Sure, anyone could have done what I accomplished today, but I was proud of myself and I had no one to share it with except my loving boyfriend who over-appreciates his birthday present. I dismissed myself from the call and started typing. Probably a bad action on my part, he's going to read this and say that I should have just talked to him about it. Well, of course I should have! But I can't seem to compete with my own given gift.

Just to note, this is not an angry blog. This is a Kaylee's-getting-her-feelings-out blog. Otherwise, I don't have anyone to talk to.

Gas prices are going up again and faster than they did last summer. It's sick the way they raise gas prices even though our dollar has hardly any value anymore. Why don't we just go back to the good old bartering days - I'll give you three eggs for a tank of gas, sir. Damn anyone who tries to make this world better by raising prices.

I might be bitter right now. But about what, I do not know. Nor do I care to know. I just know that I might be bitter and that it probably won't subside until tomorrow morning when I wake up. Then of course I will have to leave for work and all my troubles will come flooding back and I will return home tomorrow night with a headache and bad case of I Hate The World. But I really don't. But I will just for the night. Tomorrow night when I relieve myself of the apparently hard job we have in Softlines, Kathy. That job that it so overwhelming that you can stand there for 40 minutes talking with people while NOT doing your job. Or have you forgotten, Kathy, that there are other people in this world too? Do you know that Sunday I was close to quitting MY job because you weren't doing YOUR job? That's right, Kathy. Sweet Kathy that everyone likes. I worked the jobs of 3 people on Sunday for five hours while you did the job of a sloth at the zoo for 4 hours and yet we both got paid - relatively the same amount as well.

Right now I am torn between wanting to just suck up all this bitterness and dislike for some people and things and just deal with it like nothing has ever gone wrong in my life or wanting to unleash these pent up emotions to the people and things that have put said emotions in my life. I could go around being a sweet emotionless girl for the rest of my life if I wished, but I am also completely capable of being the girl that no one wants to know because she wears every one of her emotions and feelings and thoughts on her sleeve - some people just don't want to know the truth. I know part of the truth. I know the world is cruel and that people lie. I've lied. I've learned from experience that anyone is capable of being hurt and everyone is more than capable of hurting someone else. And I've also learned that no matter how hard you try to please everyone you come into contact with, somewhere along the way you will unintentionally hurt someone and it's usually the one person you never want to hurt, even if it costs you everything.

Today was mom and dad's twentieth anniversary. They're happy. At least that's what I can assume from living with them for twenty years.

I think I'm done typing for now. I apologize that this post had no turn of events, no climax, not even a resolution, or a well-written epilogue. Maybe someday people will be able to read those in some book that I write. If I ever get around to writing one. A good one. Not a sappy, life is always great, the world is peaceful kind of book. But a book written with true emotion and just plain Truth. (Capitalized for emphasis. Some writers do that, ya know.)