Work and the People that Make it Hard.

So we all know that I work at Walmart, right? Yeah. So it's been getting awfully hard to work there as of late.

There's one girl that just doesn't show up when she's scheduled and doesn't call in to let us know she won't be there. So other people end up having to put away her freight and her returns so they can't be in their departments when they're supposed to be. On the same note, because we're short this person, we have less people to cover breaks and help check - so we become even fewer on the floor!

Then we have this other lady that thinks that the world is out to get her, or something. When she works she only works four hour shifts. On weekends, we are very busy, especially when we're under-staffed (every weekend) and she thinks that nobody is doing their jobs in the morning so she has to do EVERYTHING when she gets there at 4 in the afternoon.

Then we have a manager that is 100% hypocritical. She tells us she wants all our freight carts off the floor as fast as we can and gives us this list of stuff to finish over the weekend and then doesn't back us up when we're called up to help check! We can't finish anything she wants us to because she makes us go up front and then she gets mad at us for not getting her stuff done! She's partially in trouble for not scheduling enough people on the weekends, but that doesn't mean anything because she's a manager.

Then there are the people that work in softlines that actually do their jobs. Sarena, Linda, Sarah, & Annelle (out of the few people I work with/excluding most day people.) We try our hardest to get everything put away and zoned and cleaned - all while we're trying to help customers and help the front end because there's a major lack of cashiers lately. We can't do everything - each of us is not 3 people with 4 hands each. Sorry we're not perfect, Walmart.

I try to stay out of all the arguments as much as I can. I'll admit - I will take a side, but I won't fight anyone's battles for them and I try my hardest to keep on everyone's goodside just to keep things running semi-smoothly. It doesn't work. Ever. Just tonight I was turned into management for not working all day today by the second lady I mentioned. Just because Sarena and I were working together, and she and Sarena don't get along, I have to be drug into it. I've never started any battles or arguments with anyone. Like I said - I try to just stay out of people's way and try to be as friendly as I can be, especially to those associates that think I hate them. Of course, we can't always be in wonderful, happy, bunny rabbits and rainbows, moods - but when I am, I'm still trying to be pleasant, in some sense. But there was no reason I had to get turned into management today - AFTER I WAS OFF THE CLOCK AND OUT OF THE STORE, even! This lady, heck, her name is Kathy...Kathy is not there in the mornings and early afternoons on Saturdays and Sundays - when the store is at it's busiest. It's extremely hard to get everything done when there's a shortage of associates on the floor. She just needs to stop whining and do her job. There's been times I could have turned her into management (and a couple times I did) - but it was for actual reasons and while she was still there so they could talk to her and do something about it. But it was never because I THOUGHT she wasn't doing what she was supposed to be doing - it was because I KNEW that she wasn't. It's a big difference. She has no idea how hard it is to work at Walmart when it's really busy trying to get everything done JUST so she doesn't come in and bitch and moan about it all night! Really, I've started working for her frickin' happiness! not the store. It's all 'well Kathy's going to be mad about that...' and 'ooo better get that done before Kathy gets here' - and she's not even higher ranking than the rest of us! She's only been there a couple months longer than I!

Sorry, I'm ranting - and doing a very poor job at it. This probably makes no sense - and you've probably read it all to this point and are getting very bored and upset. I'm sorry, you can stop reading - but I'm probably going to keep ranting a bit longer...

I'm getting real close to either quitting Walmart altogether or trying to transfer to another department - I just can't deal with all this bickering and other crap that all centers around the fitting room and all the softlines departments! I don't know we all (get ready for it...) can't get along! It's ridiculous and I'm fed up with it. If I go to management about anything it'll be about how I can't stand working in that department because I try to do my job and I can't because everyone is complaining about somebody else and vice versa -

Ya know, I just remembered...I left Kathy a note today before I left and she came in saying that I was sorry that there was so much left to be done in ladieswear - and I explained to her WHY there was so much left. Why the heck did she not believe me!? I was being honest with her, unlike some other people, and I get frickin' turned in. If I get in trouble with management about this...I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't want to have to quit, it's good money and I need it - and I really wouldn't mind the job if everyone could just cool it! And I don't want to have to transfer to another department because that would be more training and possibly a pay-reduction depending on where I transfer. I don't know...I'm just sick of it all. And no one seems to be making an effort to quit all the fighting.

Some people just cannot understand other things and they don't try to understand them either. I know how if feels to come in to work on a Saturday evening and having more-than-normal-amounts of work to do because either the morning person just didn't get it done or there just wasn't anyone there in the morning! Kathy has never had to work a morning on Saturday or Sunday (to the best of my knowledge...) She has no idea how it is. I deal with it. And if I can't get everything done I apologize to whomever deserves the apology and go on with whatever I need to. There is only so much I can do if there's no one there to help. If Kathy doesn't start understanding, or at least try to start understanding, maybe she should just quit. She's been talking how she doesn't like this job anyway. Well, then why stay? And why bicker about things you obviously cannot change at work? I don't know.

I hope you all know this is basically a personal rant because I have no one to talk to about it right now.

I'm just so frustrated. I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose my job or be forced to quit or transfer. Especially over something as petty as this. I try, other people try, thus far, Kathy has not tried. She doesn't understand and she doesn't deal. We do both.

I'm done now - I think. I hope I can get sleep tonight.

Oo, and I just thought...tomorrow afternoon I come in only an hour before she does - there probably won't be anyone to do my freight and returns in the morning...so she's going to be mad at me again for some reason - well gee, maybe I should just go in to work at five in the morning and make everything beautiful for Kathy! And while I'm at it, I'll wash her car and vacuum her living room or something. If she gets crazy tomorrow afternoon I'm just going to volunteer myself to go up front and check all night so she has to learn to deal by herself.

The End. Good Night. I Hope.

Actually: A good Myspace Bulletin.

Yeah, I got this from Myspace. A friend of mine posted it. It's great.

The Sad Passing of Common Sense

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.

Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they failed to do in disciplining their unruly children

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Panadol, sun lotion or a sticky plaster to a student; but, could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar can sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else is to Blame, and I'm A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

Short-winded Book Review for a rather Long-winded Book.

Mary McGarry Morris wrote a book. She wrote a book that took a long time to read. This book that she wrote was called "Songs In Ordinary Time." It was a long-winded book written by a long-winded author that takes a long time to explain a very simple story. I don't know, it was a good book, if you like very long drawn-out, semi-boring stories. I really don't, but some of you out there might. It was a story of a not-so-well-off family that's trying to make it. Ex-hubby and daddy is an alcoholic ruining everyone's lives and mommy is a stressed out, under-paid, trying-to-make-ends-meet woman that needs attention and when she gets any attention from her three children she ends up screaming at them. Mommy meets a strange guy that turns out to be a quick-handed traveling salesman and an aspiring murderer.

On a scale of one to ten, one being the crappiest book I've ever read, I would give this book a 5 on execution of the story, 4 on length, 7 on character development, and a measly 2 on the conclusion. It was pretty weak and didn't make me feel any emotion other than Thank God this book is done so I can start a new one. I have to say, in parts I did enjoy reading it and became captivated at times making me read for a few hours straight. But the length of the book was unnecessary. I don't know if Ms. Morris always writes so long-windedly, or if she was given seven hundred and forty pages and told to have fun. It beats me.

I don't recommend this book to you. I hate to admit it, but...this book was one of Oprah's Book Club books. It was the only book in the house that I hadn't read...give me a break.

More book reviews to come.

Miss Betty Josephine.

I have, yet, another new baby.

Miss Betty Josephine is my black (with a white tummy) Fancy hamster that I got today. She's adorable! She's listening to me type right now - she must like the sound.

Shane has two new babies, too! Creep and Spaz the crazy gerbils. He got them on Thursday. They're cute!

Miss Betty was named after the old cartoon character, Betty Boop. She was my favorite cartoon character when I was little. I used to call her Boopy when I was real little. Yeah...just a little trip down Memory Lane, sorry.

That's all I had to say.

This Weekend.

It's Sunday so the weekend is almost over and I didn't really get much of a weekend. Work has been border-line stressful. Friday was the worst! Yesterday we thought it was going to be horrible 'cause we only had three people in the morning, but it actually turned out alright. I work tonight and then again tomorrow evening. I'm looking forward to next Saturday - I don't have to work! Somehow I got the whole day off!!

As of yesterday I have had Bubs, my fish, for three weeks - it's a record for me! And as of tomorrow Shane and I have been engaged for two weeks! And it's been fabulous.

My friend Sarena's wedding is the latter part of June - I'm looking forward to it. It's so exciting! This is the first wedding I'll be attending that is one of my friends' weddings - all the others I've been to are friends of the family (so not my friends) or family weddings...so it's really exciting to be able to get to go to one of my closest friend's wedding! And it's also exciting to think that soon I'm going to be starting to plan MY wedding! Can you believe that?! It's amazing! This long engagement thing will be a good deal for all the planning that weddings entail.

Anyway, I have to go and get ready for work. Have a great week!

Half of a Sleepless Night...

I went to bed around midnight. Didn't have too much trouble falling asleep. While asleep however I kept dreaming that I was cashiering at work, because they had me up checking for almost two hours last night. I woke up around 4 and have tried desperately for the last hour to fall back asleep, but I can't.

My back and shoulders are killing me, my foot is still killing me, and now I have this weird ache one side of my throat. My body can't decide if I'm hot or cold and my stomach is feeling a little icky. I think I might be getting sick. That is something I really don't need right now. Sure I'd love to just lie in bed all day and read a book and sleep whenever, but I have work also. I need to get paid for something! I don't know...

Tuesday Shane and I are going to my Grandparents' house to tell them the news. I'm more nervous having to tell my Grandparents' that I'm getting married than I was when I thought I had to tell my parents about it. Haha. Thank God Shane went to them first like a good boy.

I guess I'm going to try to fall asleep again...not likely, but it's worth trying.

Suicide.

Don't worry, not me.

I was heading over to my television to feed my beta fish, Bubs - his bowl is on top of it. Bubs, I've known since I got him, is a very aggressive fish. Every morning when I feed him he attacks his food and he quickly dives to the bottom of the bowl and tries to bury himself in the rocks. He does this whether or not I'm around his bowl. Today was horrible! I took the lid off to feed him - usually I keep the lid off while he eating so he can better see the food and so far it's been alright. Today...oh my...I took the lid off and reached for his food and that's when he made his escape - onto the top of my television. Now betas don't flop around when they're out of water (I just learned) so I thought he was instantly dead. No, I tried to scoop him back in his water when he jumped again and hit my leg and basically rolled down to my carpeted floor. Again, he didn't flop around making me assume he was, actually this time, dead. As I was trying to scoop him up in my hands he jumped again and then once more when I just moved to have a better angle at him. Finally I just waited until he jumped, caught him in my hands (which was weird) and plopped him back in his water. He's fine. Probably doesn't even know what happened. I fed him - with the lid on this time - and he ate just like normal, attacking his food and diving to the bottom. Since Bubs is a pretty big beta I think I'm going to tape the lid down so he can't push it open.

Apparently fish need to take walks too.

Wednesday.

Ha, I just had the worst time trying to type "Wednesday." How weird.

Mom and I just got back from a little walk. We had to go mail some stuff at the post office - one thing was an RSVP to a couple friends' wedding. Sarena and Dan. I'm so excited for their wedding. It's next month. They're real good for each other and they're pretty cute together too! :) Hehe.

Shane was and still is in the North Platte area today. I think right now he's in Hershey visiting family and he might be staying with them tonight so he can maybe go a hiring session for UP tomorrow morning.

I have two posters to hang up in my room so I think I'm going to do that and read more of the book I started yesterday. It's called "A Song In Ordinary Time" and it's opening kind of slow. But mom says is real good and that she really liked it so I'm looking forward to getting past page 16 haha.

I'm also going to be baking oatmeal/chocolate chip cookies this afternoon. Yay! Cookies!

A...Four? Book Reviews...

I have officially been finished with my 2007 Spring Semester at the University of Nebraska at Kearney for twelve days. In that time I have completed the readings of four novels. Let me further explain:

*The first book I finished is "The Memory Keeper's Daughter" by Kim Edwards. I started reading it a week or so after my 20th birthday in February. Having started reading it during a semester in which I had two separate English classes I had very little time to enjoy this book in between my British literature novels and my Poetry compilations. However, it added a very nice get-away from my boring homework on nights that I found myself wide awake and full of reading strength.

I don't wish to give away all the details of any of the books that I have read this summer, but I will give insight to some intriguing story lines. In "The Memory Keeper's Daughter" we meet a man and a woman who are newly married and become pregnant and this all starts around the '50s. The woman ends up having twins that are delivered by her doctor husband (lucky I would say.) The first born was a boy they name Paul and the second a girl. They were not expecting twins and when she was born the doctor-slash-dad noticed the regular hints of Downs syndrome in the facial features of the little baby girl and passes the baby off to the attending nurse to take her to an institution to save the mother from trying to raise a "touched" child.

Problems and the lie the father is holding from his wife escalate and soon they fall apart. The nurse decides to keep the little girl, Pheobe, to raise as her own - going through their own struggles. It's a very touching book but I, personally, became almost angry at parts trying to get the characters to do what I wanted them to do in my head. But with no such avail. It is a very good book and I do recommend it to anyone that likes a good, touching story from time to time.

*The second book that I finished was one that I finished the day after I completed "The Memory Keeper's Daughter." It's called "Yours Until Dawn" by Teresa Medeiros. You might not have heard the name. Most likely it's because you are not familiar with romance novels. Let me define quickly that there are two kinds of romance novels. There are the smut-romance novels and the love-romance novels. This was border-line. It was a beauty-and-the-beast story, which is my favorite kind of story/fairy-tale/Disney movie. It's a sweet endearing love story with a little of the "smut" mixed in, but it's not overly exaggerated as it is in full-blown smut-romance novels.

It's a good read if you have the time. It's definitely an easy-read, but it is long. Three hundred and seventy-three pages long. I still haven't figured how you can make a romance novel drag on that long.

In any case, there are two main characters, Samantha and Gabriel. He's blind and he has a nasty scar on his face; both resulting from a war. She is a new nurse at his mansion - by the way, he's a rich'n. She grins and bares his hatefulness and obnoxious behavior and they both end up falling for each other. Of course, there is a great twist at the end of the novel that I wasn't even expecting!

I wouldn't recommend this book to just anybody. I guess you have to have the stomach for lovey-dovey romance novels.

*"House of Leaves" written by Mark Z. Danielewski was the third book I finished - the same night I finished "Yours Until Dawn," in fact. I started it almost two years ago when I received the book as a gift from my parents. I had asked for it because it seemed rather interesting. On further inspection, i.e. reading it, I found it to be quite dull and yet still too over-done in parts.

It's a very confusing book. In fact, it's a piece of artwork rather than a book. I don't mean the story was that good, I mean very plainly that the pages are white with scattered and mix-matched fonts, alignments, and written-gibberish. I've never seen anything like that that was purposefully made that way. It was a headache to get through; trying to save your place as you locate and read a three-page footnote. I tell you, it was getting ridiculous. But I finished it, thank you.

Listen carefully, unless you're extremely curious as to what this book is really like DON'T read it. Please, save yourself. It's not worth opening. I was horribly disappointed. All the reviews I read on it were very good, even the bad reviews were good! But the book was awful. And now I feel like Simon Cowell. Just don't read it.

*And finally the fourth book of the twelve days: "Lilith's Dream" by Whitely Strieber. It was a novel, yes. A rather disappointing novel it turned out to be. I hate reading the backs of books before I read them but I bought this one off a bargain-book shelf and it was fairly new - 2002 - and it looked very promising. This author I guess specializes in writing about vampires. I can say truthfully that I enjoy a good vampire movie or book every once in a while. This one, however, was pushing the threshold of my liking a little too much for comfort. Because it was a modern-day vampire story it jumped around a lot and there was a lot to do with government and CIA and New York. Not a big fan.

And surely, you can't ever have a vampire novel without a couple strange "love"-scenes scattered throughout the book whenever the author backs himself into a tight corner. The finally he breaks free of his writer's block long enough to throw in a chase scene or a decent dialog between a human woman, a half-vampire man, and their 1/16th-vampire son. Don't worry the whole book is not that weird or confusing.

I would actually recommend this book. It's lengthy but good. It's written well, apart from that over-done vampire-on-vampire action that really doesn't make any book any better.

Out of those four "The Memory Keeper's Daughter" was my favorite. I am currently out of new reading material. I just stayed up until five in the morning finishing half of "Lilith's Dream" and I guess I'm not even tired. I'm basically running on all adrenaline and I will eventually crash, and it will be bad.

Well, those were my four book reviews. I hope you enjoyed them. After I finish another book I'll get back to with another review.

A Lifetime...

Well, needless to say, Shane and I talked about everything that was progressing in our lives.

And he was holding a little secret against me for the last day.

He had talked to my parents regarding some very important matter that I didn't find out about until tonight after we had a nice dinner in Kearney.

He...

PROPOSED!

We are now engaged...to be married. And it's amazing! I can say I am the future Mrs. Yetter.

AH! I'm so excited!

Feelings.

Today has been a sad, upsetting day.

It started off badly. I had set my alarm for 7 this morning because...

_______

Well, as I was typing that Shane called me. Technically, he had called me back.

I had a bad day today. All day - was bad. The worst part was when I got some really crappy news from Shane. We're, I guess going to talk about this thing tomorrow or something - so not only did I have all day to worry about it, I get to worry about it all day tomorrow too! I'm ready for the worst - I'll just put it that way.

This is, by far, the worst feeling I've ever had. And I can't stop crying. I just finished off my box of tissues.

Today has surely marked our 4th month together as a real bad one. I wish it would have been different. Much different. In fact - I wish I could have today to do over. I just wouldn't have woken up at all - slept all day. Skipped work, not answered my phone...it would have been just great. But I can't do that. All I can do is sit here and cry - and eventually I'll probably cry myself to sleep holding my pillows like they might leave me, too.

I hate Saturdays.

Just As I Thought...

Well, I finished reading two books today. That's how un-exciting my life was today.

I passed all my classes this semester - finally got all my grades back. Parents really don't seem to care. They say "good job" but that's it and they don't even sound too happy about it. Lately I've really been considering quitting school and working full-time at Wal*Mart even though that would surely be the death of me.

My new fishie Bubs is aggressive yet surprisingly timid. He's paradoxical just as I.

Something really hasn't been "right" between Shane and myself for the last couple of days. I don't know - it's not like we're "growing apart" or we're getting too used to each other, it's just...I think it's because we're not constantly in each other's line of sight as of late. He's in Axtell and I'm in Wilcox and gas is expensive and life is going crazy. And most of that has nothing to do with anything save for my mind's troubled rants. Monday when Shane came over I got angry and frustrated for a reason that is probably still unknown to him. I didn't know how to talk to him about it, and now it's over and we finished the day like there was something wrong but we didn't care. Then today, right now, I'm a little upset because I told him at noon when I called him that if he wants to give me a call anytime today he can. And he didn't. Sure I had woken him up when I called to tell him that, but I just feel like he would have wanted to call me anyway. I just called him a couple minutes ago and he was playing his video game that I gave him for his birthday. I'm glad he likes playing it, but our "conversation", if you could call it that, was being staggered by swords clinking and his one-track mind reverting back to his game after I tell him something that is actually, in my mind, kind of impressive. Sure, anyone could have done what I accomplished today, but I was proud of myself and I had no one to share it with except my loving boyfriend who over-appreciates his birthday present. I dismissed myself from the call and started typing. Probably a bad action on my part, he's going to read this and say that I should have just talked to him about it. Well, of course I should have! But I can't seem to compete with my own given gift.

Just to note, this is not an angry blog. This is a Kaylee's-getting-her-feelings-out blog. Otherwise, I don't have anyone to talk to.

Gas prices are going up again and faster than they did last summer. It's sick the way they raise gas prices even though our dollar has hardly any value anymore. Why don't we just go back to the good old bartering days - I'll give you three eggs for a tank of gas, sir. Damn anyone who tries to make this world better by raising prices.

I might be bitter right now. But about what, I do not know. Nor do I care to know. I just know that I might be bitter and that it probably won't subside until tomorrow morning when I wake up. Then of course I will have to leave for work and all my troubles will come flooding back and I will return home tomorrow night with a headache and bad case of I Hate The World. But I really don't. But I will just for the night. Tomorrow night when I relieve myself of the apparently hard job we have in Softlines, Kathy. That job that it so overwhelming that you can stand there for 40 minutes talking with people while NOT doing your job. Or have you forgotten, Kathy, that there are other people in this world too? Do you know that Sunday I was close to quitting MY job because you weren't doing YOUR job? That's right, Kathy. Sweet Kathy that everyone likes. I worked the jobs of 3 people on Sunday for five hours while you did the job of a sloth at the zoo for 4 hours and yet we both got paid - relatively the same amount as well.

Right now I am torn between wanting to just suck up all this bitterness and dislike for some people and things and just deal with it like nothing has ever gone wrong in my life or wanting to unleash these pent up emotions to the people and things that have put said emotions in my life. I could go around being a sweet emotionless girl for the rest of my life if I wished, but I am also completely capable of being the girl that no one wants to know because she wears every one of her emotions and feelings and thoughts on her sleeve - some people just don't want to know the truth. I know part of the truth. I know the world is cruel and that people lie. I've lied. I've learned from experience that anyone is capable of being hurt and everyone is more than capable of hurting someone else. And I've also learned that no matter how hard you try to please everyone you come into contact with, somewhere along the way you will unintentionally hurt someone and it's usually the one person you never want to hurt, even if it costs you everything.

Today was mom and dad's twentieth anniversary. They're happy. At least that's what I can assume from living with them for twenty years.

I think I'm done typing for now. I apologize that this post had no turn of events, no climax, not even a resolution, or a well-written epilogue. Maybe someday people will be able to read those in some book that I write. If I ever get around to writing one. A good one. Not a sappy, life is always great, the world is peaceful kind of book. But a book written with true emotion and just plain Truth. (Capitalized for emphasis. Some writers do that, ya know.)

Two Classes.

So far only two of my final grades are up on the WebEasi site. I passed both my Natural Disasters class and my Criminal Justice class - unfortunately, I barely passed them with a D+. Uhg. At least I did get through, right? I guess. They were two of the last three general studies classes I had to take. I still have my foreign language course - which I'm taking the next two semesters.

I still don't have my other two final grades up for my Poetry class and my British Literature cares. I'm sure they're just fine.

I rearranged some of the furniture in my bedroom today. I moved my television to where my desk was. And my desk is on the adjacent wall. And there's a stand next to my bed now - where my television used to be. It works a lot better than how I had it. I couldn't see my television when I laid on my bed, now I can. It's great.

Bedtime is nigh.

Guess What...

This is my 60th blog post! Yay!

Right. So it's not that big of a deal, but...

I got nothing.

Just thought I'd make an appearance. I'm out.

One Down, Three To Go.

One final is done
My Criminal Justice class
Is now completed.

Yes! I'm still poetizing!

But serious, I did just take my final in Criminal Justice. I don't know how well I did. Those tests seem too easy - it's like a trick, but then you get the grades back and you did worse than you thought you did anyway - even though you didn't think you were going to do well in the first place. Gah, that was a circle.

Well, I have nothing to do until 3:30 which is when I must head to work until 9.

I think I'm going to head to Wal*Mart now to see Shane and his mommy. :)

Can't Sleep.

I need to sleep. I have my first final test tomorrow at 10:30 and I can't sleep. It is currently past 2:30 in the morning. I've tried reading, tried writing, doodling, everything - and I still can't fall asleep. So maybe, I'm hoping, posting a blog about my lack of sleep will help. Who knows?

I'm really looking forward to this summer. I won't have a lot of free-time but that's okay, it's about time I grow up and work almost everyday, right? Sure.

Anywho - here's to trying to fall asleep.

Dead Week Over.

Today marked the last day of dead week here at the UNK campus. Meaning we only have Saturday and Sunday before finals week starts. I'm pretty excited. I think my finals will go just about as good as they should. And I am definitely ready to get off this campus for awhile. Unfortunately, I won't be able to stay out of Kearney for very long. I'll be driving just about an hour to work five days a week and then almost an hour home after work. Not looking forward to that, but eh, it's money, I guess.

I'm hoping mom and daddy let me get a kitten this summer. Actually, instead of getting a kitten I was thinking about adopting at cat from the Humane Society. I was on their website the other night and found this adorable white calico teenage cat that has the most adorable face! It would be ninety dollars to adopt her, but shots and altering have already been taken care of for her and she's also been declawed. So it's perfect, I think. I really really really hope I can get her...or at least, any cat. If I can't I might see if they'll let me get a partner for my parakeet. He's lonely and needs a lady.

Anywho - it's bedtime.

Sleep.

Everyone around me and that I know of seems to be getting a large amount of not sleep. Right as I type this Shane is sleeping and it's almost noon. There's nothing wrong with that, of course. If your body needs sleep then sleep. Easy as that.

However, I know for sure that I don't get enough sleep at night and if I do it's not a restful sleep so why am I not overly tired during the day? I don't feel, as Jonathan stated, "hungry for sleep." So why does everybody else? I feel kind of left out.

But oh well, I'm sure once I move home all this sleep stuff will catch up with me and I'll be sleeping all day on my days off of work.

It's too windy. It's howling through my window screens and it's annoying. At first it was kind of cool - like "oohh there's a storm coming!" But now it's just, "Eh, storm's over..." Ya know?

Anyway...I'm going to find something to do.

Dead Week.

I loathe dead week. Everyone is all stressing about their finals and panicking because they don't have time for anything! If you're one of these people, I don't hate you, I still only hate dead week. I guess I just find it better to not panic about finals too much. If I let myself worry and panic about this school stuff too much I won't do well on any test or assignment or with life until school's over. I have two and a half test for my finals. The half of a test is taken in class and then there's a take-home part. Then I have half of my final poem to turn in on the last day of finals. I have sixty lines to write. Not bad. I'll do that this afternoon while I'm doing my laundry.

I guess another reason I don't panic so much about school is that it really isn't all that important to me. Sure, it's good to get an education and all that especially if there's something you really want to go into. But school really shouldn't get in the way of living. I don't know how I'm going to explain this, so I might not. ...pause...

I'll just put this out there: I don't like school. I don't think I, and some other people, need school to be happy in life. And I think that school adds too much stress to other people's lives that is completely unnecessary. It costs way too much and the cafeteria food is disgusting - but that is beside the point. I'm not saying everyone should quit school and I'm certainly not boycotting school - ha, me boycott something? - I'm just saying that school is not for everyone, and the people who do like school and want to do well still shouldn't panic about things. Organize your time for the week before and of finals - and do this a couple weeks before so you know what's going on. Know what you're going to study and work on each day and at what time of the day. And make sure you take breaks so you don't get overwhelmed and start panicking again. I sometimes don't take my own advice, but either way I do not panic and worry and stress. I guess that might just not be my nature about school.

Anyway, I have to go to class. Good luck with the last few weeks of school - not sure how much longer everyone else has, but it's coming up. Loves.

Hearbroken.

In a couple ways...

My mental and physical self is drained from sadness of the shootings that are going on. There has to be a way to get all of this to stop, but I can't think of anything. I wish it would just stop so no more people have to die, get hurt, or even threatened. And I feel awful for those people that think that shooting people and then turning the gun on themselves is going to solve whatever problem they're facing at the moment. What's going on in their minds that they can't just see one tiny fleck of good in their lives?

You know the feeling of panic when you're having a bad dream and you just can't wake up. Imagine that feeling. Is that how these people feel? Do they think they're in a dream or do they think that if it works in dreams it'll work in real life? Or do they just not know the consequences of their actions before they whip out that gun shoot unsuspecting students, faculty, and random passersby? And how could they possibly think that shooting themselves after shooting other people is going help? I don't understand any way they could possibly be logically reasoning these actions. I don't mean to sound heartless right now, but I'm sure it'll turn out that way (and before you get mad at me, let me explain what I do mean.) Why don't these stressed out people just go straight for themselves? I don't mean they should kill themselves, but I think it's very redundant to take someone else's life before taking your own. If you really wanted those other people dead wouldn't you want to stay around and rot in jail and reap the gratitude of taking their lives? I guess that only seems logical to me. But of course, since they're also killing themselves it shows that they came to some realization of the wrong that just performed and knew they wouldn't be able to face the consequences he or she brought on him or herself. These people need to think all this through before they blow off in a violent fit of rage and murder innocent people.

I don't know where to go from there. I'm mad at these people for taking lives and not being "man enough" to stick around to watch the rest of their lives fall apart. If they can muster up enough guts to kill these innocent people in the first place they should be able to stay alive and deal with the rest of it. If not, they shouldn't worry about these other people because in death they wouldn't have to deal with each other anyway. I'm rambling - I don't know how to put my anger/frustration into non-rambling order. Sorry. But this isn't fair. And I hate it. I hate it.

Yes, I'm angry and these people I don't know, but I hate what they did. I don't know the people they killed, but I could have. This could have happened here at UNK. It could have happened anywhere else that day, but it happened there. Not even close to here and it still hits close to home. And this part feels like the bad dream you can't wake up from...where everybody is turning against everyone else and everyone is dying by the hand of some kid that thought his life would be better if he devastated families and then shot himself.

I think I'm done ranting about this now. I got a little worked up, sorry. I just feel awful about what happened.